Is the light really at the end of the tunnel? Are we all going to be piling into shops, in a matter of weeks? Even with one jab in us, will we be safe to return to normality? These and many more are questions that are rolling around my head and many others! Do you feel ok about going out in the world within a couple months? I am not sure you know and I do want to feel safe and well still. Not really have a panic attack in the middle of a shop or have the wonders of ‘has everyone out here had the jab?’ A lot is just here and I guess a lot of minds are like mine right now and playing games with their owners!
That is why self care is so important. I gained anxiety whilst being in the lengthily journey of being diagnosed with endometriosis. Food shops are my worst, not so much now but I use to get a panic attack in them, have to drop my basket and run. Hence why now my mum still has to come with me. If someone is with me I am ok. But really with the world being shut for so long, is there going to be the rolling comments and fears coming from my mind? Really that is a wait and see, but we never know what is round the corner. With my dad over 60 getting his first jab this coming week. We are a long way off the over 30s getting their first. So we will have to wait and see.
I honestly have a lot going through my mind at the minute and not only covid19 related things. The weather is brighter and warmer, no winter coats which does make me motivated and a smile is always on my face when I see the blue skies. But at the same time I do have the goals I want to achieve this year and the pressure is on myself to do them. Not in a bad way, though right now I am having to push myself more and remind myself it will be ok, things will happen when they do and so be it. That is for a lot of things, I want to move eventually, do well and succeed in work and push myself a little more.
All can be hard when I am stuck at home all the time, which I do love 9 out of 10 times. But some days I really kick myself or my mind wants to tell me otherwise. I have been on this week which probably doesn’t help either. I have gone from eating all the time to barely wanting any food. For weeks now my grandma told me she would make me a cake, I do her cleaning so I do normally get offered a snack. This week though she had the cake tin ready on the side but my cousin had eaten it all whilst doing her decorating. So yesterday as I cleaned, she baked me a cake. My cousin will eat the 3/4 left I am sure this week coming. But as adamant as she was to bake me a cake, I just didn’t want anything, I wasn’t hungry. Not going to lie though I did take a quarter home and I did lick the bowl out. The best part of baking really!
The week seems a blur for me now as I write this. I can tell you Friday and Saturday and that is about it. Though I did feel rough this week. In fact I feel bad for this but I napped at least 3 lunch breaks this week. One of them, must have been Monday or Tuesday, I must have gone into such a deep sleep. I woke up and rushed back to the computer because I thought it was the next day and whatever I dreamt about made me think in real life I had to tell Tash something! Then to get to the pc and realise I had 15 minutes more left of lunch!
It was my nephew’s birthday this week though and I did go spend some time with him on their drive way at a distance of course! He is a huge lover of build a bear, so I got him the lion he wanted along with some accessories. Even at a distance it was lovely to see him so happy and excited with Simba the lion and all his presents. It’s crazy that I haven’t been able to spend time and be with them ‘normally’ for so long. Which is really sad but things like this are just lovely to do.
Other than that its been work work work, because its end of February and we want to do well all the time! A little overtime every day just to get work done, followed by hot bubble baths and chilled evenings. After such busy days I love to chill, watch YouTube or television and relax. Time goes fast from 6-9. Then onto me time. Journaling and my kindle.
I love that hour before bed, when I lay down pretty much and solidly read for an hour. My book I am reading right now is a slow read but the others I have read this year have been ones that I can read and enjoy so much, that it grips me. Being around 70% of this book now, I am getting into it and wanting to read more and more. But it has took me a while to get to that point. It is ok though because I am still reading and enjoying it and my mind is able to switch off from the world and allow me the good nights sleep I need!
On Friday I needed to take my car into the garage for an MOT and service. So I dropped it in after work and spent the night at my parents. Which was really nice actually. Because I spend Saturdays with them at the moment, it’s not overly long. Being I work Saturday mornings cleaning. Then its lunch time when I get there, we eat, do the food shop and go home really. I took my Rolife DIY miniature house set with me and we spend all of Friday night and some of Saturday doing it. If the paint hadn’t run out last night, I would of stayed to finish the set off. But that will have to wait until next week when I can do more. It is really fiddly, so for some parts I need more than my 2 hands.
Creativity is something I enjoy so much and I can bury myself into a project like that for ages. I don’t even think I looked at my phone from 6-10 and yesterday whilst doing so. Purely because you do have to concentrate and time goes by so quickly. It is good though because I slept like a log on Friday night. Even the burglar alarm went off with a fault and I slept through it. I think we are going to do another sleep over next week and finish of the room.
Honestly for this week, I just want to chill, try not to overthink much and get on with life. Its March tomorrow and that I hope means more nicer weather and happier, more positive attitudes. No more napping please and I want to have energy and look forward to things happening. Eat healthier as well and enjoy the week.
What do you need to focus on this week? Are things good or are you a little uncertain, like me?