It’s self care Sunday, a time when its good to check in on others. How is everyone? But also a time to check in with yourself, how are you really doing? What’s happening in life to cause the highs and the lows. And how can we learn from this week to have a better one next? Self care came into my life without choice really. When I was mid way through being diagnosed with endometriosis, doctors don’t overly know what to do and why to do things. Endometriosis is a pain in the back side and one no one wants. Doctors don’t have much knowledge on it and so you are left to struggle through half the time. Hence self care.
We as in my mum and I sat down every weekend for as long as the chapters continued. To learn how to cope and manage with chronic pain. Something at the time that I was told I had. The feeling of no one knowing or wanting to get to the point of where this pain was coming from. As many weekends as it took and even I was disbelieved that breathing differently, splitting up activities and meditation would work. But now 3 years on say, I am really grateful for that £20 book on managing pain, and what I learnt from it. Self care is for everyone its not just for mental health problems and chronic illness. Everyone should and can use self care daily.
For me this week has been a slap in the face, facing reality and laughing and being happy with what the near future brings. Starting with Monday. We all get that Monday morning feeling when we realise it’s another working week. Your bed is to comfy and you wish the weekend was longer. Well yes even I get that feeling and this week I have really struggled with getting up and out the house. General Monday really but I had forgot to do my face mask so my schedule slipped a little.
A grownup decision was made this week, and I have now decided to put my first home up for sale. This is going to take time and effort but it will be worth it and I have already been looking for a new home. Of course the Pinterest boards are growing with colours, ideas and home decor. First off I brought this at 26 I think, and that’s a huge achievement in its own. But somehow moving on seems more exciting to me. Sort of opened up the excitement again of my “something new” because that’s just taking its time as well!
Tuesday was a double whammy of creativity. Of course valentines was this week. Ok I am not overly advertising my floristry which I know I really need to more. But I did a beautiful bouquet for my friend at work, for his partner. Even I think it’s my best work to date. Beautiful roses and the gorgeous stocks that stood taller amongst the roses and alstroemeria. Floristry class on the other hand, wasn’t my cuppa tea. I personally am not one for all the fake flowers, the tacky looking naff things. So I couldn’t overly see past the fake and didn’t put my full ability to it. Personal choice really.
Wednesday was the day I could have nightmares over for the next week! Ok I am good and confident in front of a camera but in person I am a mess. Especially when it’s something important or causes anxiety. I was asked to do create and present to the director on this coming Friday. Firstly its 10 days to sort everything out and panic but secondly I did my GCSE English presentation with the lights off and turned away from everyone. Don’t think that will be acceptable this time, do you?
Thursday is when I had had enough. It was time to call it a day and face reality. Every other week I am meant to go to personal training sort of pilates with my mum. Since January I’ve been once but never took part. Due to my health and my “something new”. I am now getting to the point where I have had enough. Not in a bad way, I am ok. Being honest with you, I am really putting this pressure and pain on myself. But it will be worth it in the end. Anyway I got to my parents on Thursday night and I have 10 minutes maximum to eat, change and go.
All day I had been looking forward to pilates and was going to ask to stop for a McFlurry afterwards. A treat. By Thursday night though, I am hurting, I am emotional and I am tired. I could barely bend over and not be in pain, that and I had had my hand down my trousers holding my tummy all day everyday this week. So I couldn’t go, I had driven half hour to my parents for a bowl of rice and all I wanted was a cuddle and to feel better. Ended with me driving home and running a hot bubble bath. My mum decided that we have a lot on at the minute and both of us are now going to take a break from pilates.
By Friday I was already ready for the weekend. A chilled one of course. But actually because of attempting to try sell my flat, my parents came over and we painted, cleaned and decluttered my home. A happy clean home is a good one. My flat is never not clean and tidy but its so nice that its decluttered and the energy of my home feels the best. Welcoming and inviting so fingers crossed it goes well.
Every night this week, I haven’t read because I just can’t get into a book. By 9pm I am tired and asleep by half past. Obviously needing sleep and energy to get through everything daily I need to and more. I love sleep as much as I love a hot bubble bath. Nothing excites me more than a cosy night in, a onesie or two and my bed. Sad as that might be its the best life for me.
Endometriosis messes with a lot of things and something that really helps me is sleep. When I was going through the what is it stage of being diagnosed, I would nap most days. A nap for me though is 3 hours. If I am off colour or feeling rubbish then just tell me to go bed. Honestly wake up so much happier for that sleep. Weekends now I can sleep for 12 hours straight a night and I think if it wasn’t for my work alarm I would sleep that much every night. Some people think it’s lazy and so not normal. But if my body needs that sleep to remain strong then I have to do what it says. Days are so much more productive on a longer amount of sleep.
Due to the big spring clean on Friday night, I am writing this Saturday night. Today I have had a lovely chilled day. What is odd as well, is that I am ok with meeting Kate, a “stranger” from the YouTube world. I would say we are YouTube friends now but I am nervous to present something I run and work on daily?! Anyway I just woke up when I did, got dressed, filmed then when Kate arrived we treated ourselves to Creams. A restaurant for purely puddings. That waffle of bueno was amazing. The best treat for a week of feeling meh!
What have I learnt this week? That endometriosis is a big part of my life, and that no matter what it can and will play up when it wants to. When it does that I have to just take a step back, and do as it needs. Early nights are the best if I am tired and emotional. Books are good but when you can’t get into one, then sleep is better. If I put my mind to things, I can be successful because I sold and made £80 this week on selling old, unwanted things. Sometimes things you love cause you more stress and pain. So breaking with them for a while is best. Then there is so much more to live for and look forward for and to focus on them.
How and what do I need to practice this week coming? Well for one, I need to put on my big girl bravery pants and show the boss who is boss! LOL. Meditation is going to be my best friend this week and I am going to need to do more of it for a successful week. To be grateful for the bad times, the times in pain because without them would I be where I am today? I need to paint my nails and straighten my hair. Make myself look good, even if I am in agony on the inside. Eat less sweets and chocolate because I seem to be struggling not to. Journal and read so I get the habit back and focus on my me time. Focus on the good things and muddle through the bad. Show everyone I am strong and worthy!
What have you learnt this week? And what is something you need to practice on this upcoming week?