We are about to walk into the last 2 days of 2019! Say what?! How am I about to finish my goal of achieving a year of daily self care? This year has gone crazy fast and has had highs and lows to mess up daily life. Some that we weren’t expecting and some that I am trying to achieve now and in 2020 that I never expected to actually happen. Wow anyway self care is super important to me and as I type this from my bed on Saturday night I am extremely happy for what I have achieved and where I am today, also what I am looking forward to. 

Happiness and self care were my goals for 2019, if you didn’t know and all I wanted was for me to implement self care more into my daily life to achieve a happier one. I guess you can say that I am in a happy place at the minute. Though I still have ups and downs, health complications and general negatives that slap me in the face, I sort of know what is right for me and what I need to do. 

It has been a crazy week, full of festivities, boring have to dos and emotions. I am off on Christmas break now and I am until 6th January which feels so good but starting this week with a day and a half of work was pointless. Ok not pointless because work is what pays me to keep my house, health and life going. But it was like everything was shutting down or shut already and we didn’t have a lot to do. Monday we ended up watching 3 movies, Elf, Clueless and The Nativity. So I can’t complain but it just dragged and we all had things that we could be doing elsewhere. If work came in, of course we did it but most of the industry was already shut so pretty much sat around. 

Tuesday was the same to be honest, though a half day. That waiting round to confirm early realise, what time it will be and what we should do in between. I can’t remember what we watched on Tuesday but we played a couple rounds of cards instead. Because I was staying at my parents for Christmas, by the time I left the house at 8am, I had 2 bags of presents, packed some clothes and toiletries and a heavy bag full of technology and medication. 

That definitely was a heavy walk to the car and into work for a couple hours. Needless to say the 12pm finish was good and we were all itchy to leave around 9am. By 12:20 I was at my parents ready for lunch and in my pyjamas by 2pm. If you didn’t know comfort is key and especially when I have tummy ache. The fact I was falling asleep whilst watching Toy story 3 was the perfect excuse to get in them. Cosy and chilled Christmas eve. Around 8pm Grandma Dawn, my mum and I were playing cards. Cards is a typical thing we do at Christmas and its something I like to do. 

For the first time in the 29 years I’ve been alive, I had a lay in on Christmas Day. Didn’t wake up until 9am or just before. Sleep is so good for me and I love it. It kind of soothes me for the day and I am in good spirit. This Christmas we had a low key, not a lot of presents kind of Christmas, due to the fact that both Grandad’s died this year. So no one really could think of many things to ask for, or wanted to buy much. Also to the point my mum got to the stairs with the presents and realised we all had a few still not wrapped up. 

We had breakfast first before presents, which again is something completely knew to the whole Christmas. But again it was the first of many Christmas’ to not be at my parents. Having an hour plus journey was really odd and some parts of it making Christmas feel worse than I thought it would be this year. 

Christmas dinner was really lovely. I don’t like or eat turkey so we always have turkey and beef so that my mum and I have an option as well. My uncle is a really good cook and the beef was slow cooked which meant it just pulled apart easy and tasted delicious. Because my sister is fussy she asked for lots of cauliflower cheese, something I don’t actually like. When my dad dished me up the roasted root vegetables and I only got 1 parsnip I was a little sad but it was ok, knowing I have a full pack in the freezer I can have anytime. 

After lunch we played a game of Yahtzee. Basically Christmas was about keeping our minds busy especially Grandma’s. Yahtzee is a game I have loved since being a child and one of those we get out for occasions like Christmas. It’s a pure chance game, it’s not even luck and it’s whatever the 5 dice roll out as basically. We then had presents and everyone except me went out to see the 4 day old puppies. I didn’t because fun fact about me, I am scared of dogs and especially those that jump up at you. 

On the car journey home from 5pm, I was longing to be home, but what kept me going was the fact the night’s sky was clear and the stars were shining. That warm feeling when you see the stars and know past love ones are with you still. It was hot in the car and I get travel sick when its a longer journey. The Tiguan is a rocky car. Having the window open to see the stars clearer helped. 

Boxing Day was fun because the children were there. They make Christmas really and push the positivity and magic through even if you want to be alone. Alfie loves to dress up and perform and somehow decided I was going to be his sidekick and help every costume change, song and general playing. The whole day was Alfie and Mel. He even was interested in my presents and wanted to colour in my drawings, so we photocopied them. 

The best part about this week is, I have still had me time every night, an hour before bed. When I am at home, I can just chill out, watch YouTube, do my thing. But being at my parents even I feel I need to sit down with them and do stuff with them. So being able to shut off for an hour before bed and do whatever I wanted was the best. I did offer to stay down there and play cards or whatever if they would but what youtube I wanted to watch on but the answer was its ok. 

Friday was a proper chilled day, woke up at 8:15am and had breakfast. Filmed and hung out with my parents and Grandma’s. We ended up in John Lewis, just for something to do. I had the doctors at 3:50pm to finally try sort out something to sort my tummy out. Fingers crossed that is and the ball can get rolling. 

By 5pm when I got home and my youtube video had finished uploading, I was itching to go home and spent time with myself. As sad as that may sound, time on your own is really good for you. So I packed up and went. Craving time alone, clean up my home and deChristmas it. A lay in, chill out, not worry about getting up or doing certain things and actually I have done exactly that and more from today on my own. 

Christmas is no longer in my home, I laid in bed till 11am and I sorted out things that really needed to be done. Good days like this at home are the best. Really simple to do as well. Dedicate a day or two at home. No plans and just write up a list of what you want to achieve out of it. For me, I needed to sort my money out, film some videos, organise myself and life and clean up. But most importantly was the get up when I wanted, do what I wanted and achieve things I may of been lacking in doing. 

You know its 2 days after Christmas and all my presents have a home, my home is clean and tidy and not 1 spot shouts Christmas anymore. I even had a clear out in my wardrobe which felt so good. 

Deciding to take today off as a me day and doing what I needed to do, but what I also wanted to do was the best self care decision I’ve made all week. In fact in a long while. To be fair when I left my parents on Friday night I thought I would want longer and though I have my craft area to clean up before I get some new furniture, I feel happy to start a fresh tomorrow. 

Happiness is different for everyone. For me I would say its the fact I have learnt to love myself and my home. I know that I can’t do somethings like others and I can see the world differently if I put my mind to it. Learning to take the positives each day over the negatives really has helped the mindset and encourages me to continue to achieve. Knowing when my body needs something and I need to slow down or when I need to put my attention into something for me to feel happier. You know you don’t have to have many friends to be happy, you just need the right friends in your life. Putting me first and realising that actually I am as strong as others say I am. Pushing myself into what I love, which is sleep, friends, family, fashion and crafts. Journalling something so simple yet so rewarding. How a pastel highlighter can put a big smile on your face. Or when you go to your friends and spend hours colouring in or playing games with their children. 

It is all about learning to love your life and yourself. There has been some massive hurdles that have tried to crush me or even have crushed me but I have overcome them and shown my strength by fighting back. Not everyone is your friend, not everyone is going to like you and you just have to say well if that’s what they think then so be it. Does it matter? When all you want to do is something you love. I’d rather have 2 friends that feel me with happiness and spaghetti bolognese than 10 that don’t love me for being me!

Happiness for me is my closest friends, my love for journalling and fashion, hot bubble baths and being able to live a good life with endometriosis. 

What is your happiness? What self care have you loved this year? Are you continuing self care for 2020? Because I am!