With one full week left of 2019, we are starting to wrap up my self care journey for this year. I will be continuing self care for many more years and may still do these weekly updates but its an achievement as its self that I will be completing my goals for the first time in my life. Self care is so important to me and came into my life around 4, 5 years when I was in the long process of being diagnosed with endometriosis. If you know about endometriosis, it takes the longest, hardest years for a proper diagnosis and a lot of doctors aren’t trained well enough on endometriosis. You even get “its in your head” quite often.
This week, well I am still suffering quite a bit. Who knows what is going on but seriously I wasn’t expecting to feel this sick 2 weeks on. My cold seems to be getting better, in fact its nearly gone but I get the occasional need to cough or blow my nose. Just wish that I could eat more than pasta and crackers without it going through me.
So I have been rocking the out with all the randoms, well this might work or that. If you have endometriosis you know that you will try anything to feel better. I’ve not felt bad in over a year, so I can’t fully tell you if what I am experiencing now is the same or different to my last “flare up” if this is a “flare up”.
I hate being sick, it’s the worst thing especially when you don’t know what to do to feel better. Having a long weekend last weekend, really helped me. But I had things I needed to get done, like flower bouquet orders and I was meant to be having my eyelashes done. Being sick sucks when you have to cancel on your friends and get things done. If it wasn’t for my mum and dad forcing me to do things that I go up and going.
Monday like I mentioned I had to cancel my plans with friends which is something I hate to do. Whether I am sick, feeling rough, in pain, whatever. But its not fair that I give a cold/flu to her or her 1 year old. Also how was I meant to lay on a bed for 2 hours and not cough or sneeze whilst having my lashes done.
Went back to work on Tuesday and it was Christmas buffet day. Food is something I love but after doing weight watchers 5 years ago, its rare I indulge. Now occasions like Christmas I do just go for it. But it’s sad because anything I eat, my body won’t handle. Having sausage rolls, chocolate cakes, cheese, crisps, chocolates and more and all I can try is the bread sticks. I did try other things but as much as I ate it, I regretted it soon after.
Pasta, pasta, pasta and pasta is it. Well I am glad its Christmas because the Jacob’s Christmas cracker variety packs are out. If I go for anything else I regret it. When your body says no thank you, well mine anyway you need to stick with that.
Having mentioned this before, you may see now why I say “my body hates me”. I am punished for all the good things and bad things and some ok things as well. Personally I can’t say its endometriosis related but only think it is and its horrid really when you have a chocolate cake in front of you but you can’t even smell it without feeling sick.
Due to swelling up to look like I am 6 months pregnant, I am not but look like that its horrible to feel this way. Hot bubble baths have been the comfort of my week. Coming home at 5pm from work, pushing the boost on the water and chilling in my onesies is so good. Relief for my tummy more than anything. Sometimes I even skipped the pasta and straight to my onesie waiting for the extra warm water for a good bubble bath. Swish of the bubble wand and I am good to go.
Only I would go to pilates on Thursday and not do actual pilates. To be fair I didn’t even bother changing. The traffic was really bad and my 30 minutes max took 50 minutes and I literally have 50 minutes to get to my mum and dads, eat dinner, change and go. Feeling sorry for myself, wanting my something new more than anything but my silly body won’t do as its told, sucks, it really does. Especially when you can’t keep anything other than plain crackers and plain pasta down. A little cry and hug with my mum, I just went for a chat and my mum did pilates on her own.
One tip for you if you feel sick and for such a long period especially, wear travel sick bands. Can’t fully say the sick feeling goes away and you might still want to be sick but it helps you not need to go be sick or need the toilet longer. That and stick to pasta and keep drinking blackcurrant and apple.
It was my Christmas lunch with stores this week as well and I had pre booked a fish finger sandwich and chips, blackberry and apple crumble and custard. Of course what could I do, not eat it and waste it or eat it and let it run through me. It was so good as well just my body didn’t like it. That was Thursday as well and after a cry and chat at pilates I decided I would just concentrate on drinking lots. Not alcoholic mind.
You couldn’t ask for a better best friend than I have. Actually both of them are equally as amazing but seriously on Monday I was too sick to see her so I didn’t get to give them their presents. I texted on Friday just with the simple are you in later, can I drop your presents off etc. Not even necessarily staying long but just so they had their presents pre Christmas. Of course was the answer and have some tea its pasta bake. This is why she is amazing. She cooked me plain pasta and that is what I could only eat and rather than me not having anything she did me my own dish.
Talking of presents, it’s been a week of gifting them. Isn’t it just nice when you gift something and I have to say that I didn’t ask for ideas but they love it and show their love in many ways. Not that I buy for everyone and there only a special few that do, but when you put lots of effort into a nice gift or two, that appreciation show makes my smile bigger.
Once a month or so I go over to one of my best friends and we just chill, chat and I play with her girls, mostly creating something. So their gifts had to be creative. To be honest these Saturdays I go over and chill out with them is one of my favourites to do. I can’t say one of their presents on here yet as many of the girls on my present list have these. But I brought them Christmas craft boxes, full of glitter, glue, scissors and you name it. Getting sent the pictures through yesterday of their creations and having fun made me happy.
Happiness has been hard to find this week, due to wanting to be sick or feeling sick 24/7 and tummy pains continuously. But getting the messages all day and photos in the evening Friday night was enough to put a smile on my face and warmth of happiness. Then it was time for my mini bestie to open one of her presents. Now she is definitely a girlie girl and loves makeup even at 20 months. Not that she wears it, but I got her a wooden makeup set and made her a makeup bag to go with. It is Saturday now as I write this and omg the love and excitement she had last night when she opened it and starting doing hers, mummy, daddy and my makeup was the best feeling. Today as well I have had texts saying “she’s still playing with her makeup” and “she’s just painted my nails”. Happy, happy, happiness there.
Though I have been a little slack on me time this week. Like coming in later and all I wanted was a bubble bath and bed. Or muddling through emotions and turning in early for the night. I have tried to read most nights. Having started a new book this week, I really need to read more to get into it.
My mind is just in another place and one that is just wanting and hoping this can be sorted out soon. It really is awful feeling this unwell and not being able to eat other than pasta. I did eat a pad Thai today which I have managed to keep down more than other things this week, but my pain is sky high. Sad for that but I just have to keep thinking of the happy things and making wise choices and thinking of the happy things to keep me going.
This week coming is going to be the hardest week of the year. With Christmas being slap bang in the middle of the week. Though I have to be strong for the kids, its going to be the hardest Christmas yet knowing my grandads aren’t going to be there. I really want to focus on myself more this week and so what if I have a bowl of pasta or a slice of bread instead of a roast dinner. If I am unwell I am unwell, there is nothing I can do about it other than poodle along and know that I have 2 doctors appointments book to go ask for help.
What is something self care you want to practice this week?