Well hello it feels weird to be writing a self care update again. It has been a while and I apologise for that. But my live seems to swim along amazingly, then all of a sudden I am on the rapids crashing about and going down hill for a while. I am ok though, really I am. Just with lockdown number 3 still here and other things going on, some me time is much needed. So I decided that that is what I need and have been doing. Hence me missing posts and everything else. 

As I just mentioned I am ever high and on amazing form or crashing down rock bottom. There seems to be no happy medium. But I am working on that. Somehow I will try work that out this week. Sometimes everything just seems to get on top of me. Or it seems that way. I’ve not had that Sunday night/Monday morning feeling in a long long time, but Monday was that for me. 

I am truly grateful for my job and that it keeps me busy. Really its better to be busy than twiddling thumbs. But it seemed overwhelming and crazy busy for the last month. Which means evenings I just want to chill out, have a bubble bath and do nothing else. Frazzled by 5 and some nights or most I don’t even open my MacBook up! Let alone write. Tomorrow I am going to try get a bit organised and on top of things, ready and feel good about most things! 

The worst part is I stress eat. Or crave food anyway. But if you remember I am trying to eat healthy, so there isn’t a lot of unhealthy foods in the flat. By Wednesday I was craving chocolate. Yes I can walk to the shop and get some but at the same time I need and want to be good. Though today I just threw the town in. I ate 6 bite size chocolate brownies at my Grandma’s house and when I went to do my weekly food shop, there is a chocolate bar for each day. Oops. Really hope that I can resist somedays but we will see. 

Something I am finding really helpful during the day is listening to the radio. Though I like music other than listening in the car, I don’t listen to music. I’ve had capital on every day now and it is helping me stay productive and I guess something to keep me entertained whilst I work. Not that I need others around or anything but its nice actually to have Capital FM on and have the latest music playing. There is something soothing and calming about having music on, that I have never really felt before. 

Honestly there isn’t a lot to say other than I needed a break and I needed to focus on myself for a while. Really now I am not back fully but I am feeling better than I was. It’s hard sometimes to juggle things. A lot have said I don’t know how you work full time and post 7 days a week. But somehow I do. I was told to find a distraction when I was living in pain 24/7 and that was YouTube. So now it’s weird not to and keeps my mind occupied. 

If I wasn’t working then I would be in a hot bubble bath, in bed chilling or asleep. One thing I have really loved this year is reading. I am not and never have been academic, so I probably can read what a ten year old can read like. But I read 3 books in January and that is a lot for me. We are just wrapping up week 1 of February and I am 60% ish through my first. If the book is good, I seem to want to read more and more. That is where I am with this book I am reading now. It is so good that it’s making me want to continue to read. Even this morning I had 10 minutes spare, so read another chapter. 

Reading before bed has really helped me sleep as well. I love sleep it is one of the rare things that helps me when I am not feeling right. Honestly put me to bed for a few hours and I am way better after. So having a good 10 hours + a night is amazing. The deeper the sleep the better but I do get insane dreams most nights and most are rememberable! 

The other thing really that I have done this week is sort my flat out. This is one of the things that has been up in the air. Am I going to move or not? Right now I am not which makes me sad because I feel in love with the house I was about to buy. But though I have to stay here, its like I have had a spring clean and decluttered. A clean, happy, healthy home is a good one. It can just change the mood or make it more welcoming I guess than one with things on the side with no home. Not that I live messy but I moved things that were just out or not tidy, in the wrong place etc. 

That is really it. Self care has been trying to sort myself and life out. I have cried a few days, felt heartbroken a little and sad a lot of the time. Stressed I guess as well because I have so much on at one time. So I guess in a way this is a blessing because I am now going to tackle one thing at a time and push for things I want and need in life. For sure I will continue with the music and the reading because they do help me. But I do want to sort out the mess and get more organised as well. 

How are you feeling? I hope lockdown number 3 is treating you ok. Good and bad days are totally ok you know!