Hey hey hey! It is Sunday which means it’s a time for me to share how my weeks been. Ask you all are you ok? And a time we can remind ourselves and others things will be ok. Have you had a good week, a meh week or a bad week? Whatever it’s going to be ok. Everyone has them times and we all get through with a little help from self care.
Self care is my everything. You know I can’t say for sure that self care has done this or not. But I believe I wouldn’t be where I am today without the helpful guidance and lifestyle changes. That and a lot of disbelieving people, doctors and nurses of which I had to stray strong and prove wrong. Its tough when most of your 20’s are filled with sadness, unwell, rough, poorly times and to be fair now I am in a good time (touch wood) that its been a pretty rubbish few years. But I am super thankful for them times. Who I have learnt I need by me, friends and supports. The ways I now live are better in some ways, well I think so anyway. It just shown me a lot about life.
Ok it has given me the worst things as well, like living with this stupid incurable chronic illness. Pain that can flare up at any moment of everyday and anxiety. How silly is it, that I am 29 and supermarket shopping gives me anxiety. I am scared to go food shop on my own, incase I get a panic attack or feel unwell. Have to say though, straight from work I went food shopping and was out and back in the car in 15 minutes, with my weekly shop done. An achievement in many ways. Could have a great chance on supermarket sweep, but also for not having that panic attack my mind is telling me, I am going to have. Was home by 5:45pm and I’d been to Sainsbury’s and hobbycraft.
This week has been stressful. I can’t pin point you on why and what went wrong fully. But I am thriving off, routine, structure and being organised. Being late is another hate and it causes be anxiety to not be places on time and time to settle before things begin. How I am in this anxious, stressful period, I really don’t know, but I am and it’s hard. Shouldn’t be and the last thing right now I need is stress and anxiety. Sad but I am now focusing on what is causing this, exploring why and learning from this week to focus on overcoming it this month.
Basically this week has been a week of work, home for lunch, work and my evening plans whatever they may be. For the first time this year, Friday night I didn’t feel like staying on track and writing this blog. So I didn’t. I am yet to know if its going to mess up my schedule but I am here on Saturday morning writing it to catch up. Unpacked the shopping and put the boost on the hot water. Cooked sausages and curly chips for dinner and just felt like I wanted to chill. Running my bath some how made me what to just relax and press flowers. Which I did instead of this blog. It’s ok because I knew today was a chill at home, film kind of day but still.
Tuesday was floristry, after having a week off because our tutor was sick. It was good to be back and in that creative zone for a couple hours. Switch off from the world and create. Though I am still learning weekly on techniques and designs I guess, I love it. This week I made my first semi crescent bridal bouquet, with roses, orchids and lysianthus. Love the thistles we used as well. All that is what I am now pressing in one of the old catalogues I brought home from work and a pile of books on top. Such beautiful flowers yet they aren’t in water for long so die quickly. I’m sort of into pressing flowers at the minute so I though I would try press and form the bouquet again in a frame. The weeks will only tell if I am successful.
By Wednesday I have had enough, getting tired and really I could of caved into myself then and not do the housework. But actually I am grateful that I am forcing myself to get up and clean. A clean tidy home is so much better than a messy unclean one. Not that its overly messy now I have my own home but its just better clean. Walking in to a happy, clean, healthy environment is so much better than a messy unclean one. I guess it’s more welcoming.
Thursday I was meant to go pilates but I didn’t go. The traffic for one in rush hour causes me anxiety and I barely have time to eat, change and leave again. But I just was stressed by Thursday, feeling sorry for myself and annoyed because of something else. We spoke about pilates on Tuesday actually driving to and back from floristry. If you didn’t know my mum does both with me. How I choose pilates to try help my endometriosis all them years ago and that now I still do it for that. When I am there I am ok and happy to be there. It is the traffic and how I am feeling before hand that throws things off. So I need to work on something to make this work and be there, doing the exercise and helping my body.
Like I mentioned earlier Friday I just was so tired and I just wanted to chill. So I did. It would of been my Grandma and Grandad’s anniversary. My sister posted on Facebook a picture of them both and her stating a happy anniversary it would of been and how she missed him. For the first time since the day he died, I looked at the picture and just wanted to hug him. I was crying and somehow though I still know what he looks like and how he is. It just hit home I wasn’t ever going to see him again and that he’s image just came straight back to me and in focus. Ended up in me kissing my two fingers and pressing them to the photo on facebook.
Now for me time, something I have done daily for over a year now. Except Tuesdays because I get home at bed time. But I love it. Switch off from the world, focus on me and the real reason I do this is because of the better nights sleep, a fresh clean slate I get every morning. Just me, my onesies, the bed and a couple of books. Oh and a kindle.
This week though, several times I have started my me time before 9pm. I just finished the book actually but I was so into it that I just wanted to read more and more. It was just so good. Worth reading and would recommend to anyone. The Flatshare and how lovely, sad and romantic it is. Random I guess as well but amazing book to read.
I have started with my bullet journal all week, though really you could write in any of them first. My gratitude fireworks and finding the best thankful thing about every day. Though I do have my gratitude journal as well. Fireworks for moods, looking at this wrapping up January shows I have had an emotional and average kind of month with a few days of full on happiness. Can’t overly complain. Everything is positive in my daily spreads, write down everything and anything positive. What I am focused on, how I am doing, what I am doing, anything!
My daily planner is all about feelings and the phrase I live by. How writing them down daily helps me, really I don’t know why but they do. Makes me go to bed happier, knowing I have lived by them phrases and will continue to tomorrow. All my feelings, good and bad are jotted down, this way I can empty them from me and into the book. Close it and start a fresh the next day. Somehow again that works for me.
Then my gratitude journal, such a small but thick book. All about gratitude. The most grateful thing about the day fills most of the space but I also fill in the bottom which is three words that express how the day was. Writing only the positives or thinking of them only is really good for the mind and to live a positive life. Focus on the positives just changes the way your mind works.
Right now its 12pm and I am finishing this post. I woke up at 10 and actually now I am grateful for this day to myself, filming, wrapping presents, doing what I want and I will be cooking pasta and meatballs in a minute. But really this is what I want for the year. I really want to be happier and spend more time alone to get things I want to do and provide a happier life for me. It is actually nice to lay in and not set an alarm, eat when and what I want. Film and not have to rush or edit when I have the time. Oh and yes its 12pm and I am still in my pyjamas. About to go get dressed, sort my hair and makeup out and get on with the day. Got my list of what I need to do and do this.
What is one thing about self care you have learnt this week? For me its that bad times are here for a reason and that you can learn from this times and mistakes. This week coming for me, I want to focus on good food, health and hopefully working on this anxiety, stress that is causing me pain.