It’s Sunday morning and I hope you are all having a good weekend! Sunday’s are a chance for me to check in on you all and give you an update on my life and self care. I have endometriosis, a chronic illness which takes a huge role in how I lead my life and sometimes really as my body hates me! If your new welcome, at the beginning of 2019 I decided to set the goal of a year of self care to gain a happier life. Let’s just say as I wrap up week 42, this year has been a tricky one. But I am still here, with my self care and actually I feel I am happier in life. Right now anyway.
Self care is so important all the time and to absolutely anyone. You don’t have to have an illness, health problems or pain. People need self care. I am not necasseraly talking about a daily shower and good healthy balanced diet. Both which of course helps. Its about pushing yourself, being positive and allowing your body and self to do what it needs to and when. Everyone cries, has bad days, weeks even and everyone also has amazing times too. If we were all the same and ‘normal’ the world would be pointless and boring. Be unique its better.
This week I want to start off by saying this week has seemed to get better as the week’s gone on. Don’t overly know how and to be fair last weekend gave me high spirits for the dreaded Monday morning but that’s ok. There is always things in life that want to drag you down or upset you. Push you into the ground and make you knock your confidence. It’s all about getting back up again. Make you, you and make you stand high and confident.
My endometriosis has been bugging me this week. I say it’s my endometriosis but is it who knows. Can only guess. Them days where you can’t wear your go to jeans and even them are maternity. If you watch my weekend vlogs on Monday night’s you will know I am very tired all the time which is a part of my endo. Unfortanutately I can’t do anymore that what I do and catch up on sleep at the weekends or early nights if possible.
Pain can be and has been unbearable at times this week. Swollen stomaches and bloating galore! On Tuesday night my mum was helping me put bio freeze on my shoulders and back and I looked down and I looked 6 months pregnant. I am not pregnant by the way. Its crazy what your body can do to you, I even felt my lower abdomen before bed last night and it was solid and painful. If only I knew what really was going on inside me. From that can you tell why I say my body hates me?
Saturday was the best really. I had a 12 hour sleep waking up at 11am. Which really put me in good spirits. Had a fish finger roll for my lunch and then went to my friends for the afternoon. Her 2 daughters made fabric pumpkins with me and I thought I would be there a few hours. Ended up being there 1:30pm-7pm. But it was the best, I caught up with my friend, played loom bands and our generation dolls with the girls. Saw their Disney photos and told the story behind every photo and had pizza and chow mien because the girls wanted me to have the same as them. (1 had pizza, the other noodles.)
Tuesday I was a bit down in the dumps really. If you have been following my journey you know I need the positive life. You will also know that my grandad has recently died and works been chaotic. That and my endometriosis playing. It all sort of clashed together and mashed up and spat out a bad mood. I ended up just sitting on the kitchen table talking to my dad because I didn’t want negative, I had tears in my eyes to be honest.
The request from my besties mum of me making her a bag really made me focus on something good. Something I enjoy and something that makes her happy as well as me. Finding fabrics, the pattern etc. Even had my dad sitting in the small study, just sitting there with me whilst I found it.
You know I feel rough when I go to floristry and after the demonstration, my head is banging and I just want to go home. I didn’t mind you, I carried on. Because even with the make not being my cup of tea and by that I mean really wouldn’t have it anywhere or even sell it. It meant I learned and practices new techniques. Wiring is always a fiddle but you do need to learn and use them in floristry a lot.
When I got home from floristry just before bed time, I made the best decision I’ve made all week. I cancelled my 7am alarm and pushed it back half hour. Work is at half 8 but I normally get in half hour early. Well I made it just at the skin of my teeth and now that’s going to be what Wednesday’s are. Its not like I get paid overtime or do work, I just have to make sure I am on time or I panic. Roll on Wednesday for 30 minutes more sleep.
Because I am struggling with various things at the minute, I am really needing attention. I laugh even writing that. Being I am nearly 30 I just want to lay have a cuddle with my mum and just chill out. Do things I want to do and have my mum help me with things I really need doing. So at floristry we discussed somethings and this is hard for me to explain fully because somethings are really still private and will remain so for a while but she understood and told me that this weekend we would chat and book things in like Christmas shopping.
Other than the usual bubble baths, which actually have been epsom salt baths. The weather being colder so the heatings on and baths are hotter. I have really tried to let my body eat what it needs. Healthily most of the time. Brought some cinnamon and raisin bagels and they have been so good. If I am hungry I’ve been snacking on jelly and other low ww point foods like cherry tomatoes. All good for me.
The thing I love about everyday is me time. That hour a day I dedicate to myself. Yes just me some note books and a reading book. No phone, iPad or macbook. They are all shut off for the night and I really benefit from all four books and sleep so much better. It’s weird how much satisfaction and happiness from reading and writing for an hour. But I really do, happiness because I leave all the feelings and thoughts on some paper, being negative and positive and closing them off to get better sleep and a fresher start each day.
This week the 365 of Self Care A Journal, has checked in with me daily on how I am hydrated, how long did I sleep, my mood, self care and what I am grateful for. Because I am me, I also get asked about bravery and this is what I struggle with. Why you might ask, but that is because I want to be brave in different ways each day and some days my day is work and home. We’ve had our monthly check in this week too. How I am feeling, what I want to improve on for this month and the highs and lows. There was also a page on stillness. Time when we pause life for ourselves, how times on our own, to play, create and dream brings goodness from the storm.
Actually the piece is pretty relatable to me. When I started the year with the hour of me time before bed, it felt weird, kind of boring and pointless. But as I head in to the final 9 weeks of the year I am really pleased for this hour daily and its now something I look forward to daily. Weird but true. Times to create and do things I love brings so much happiness and makes me more comfortable about being with myself only.
My daily planner is all about my thoughts and feelings. Jotting down all my feelings, good or bad and those positive phrases I live by. By jotting down all my feelings makes me loose the negatives and actually I sleep better for leaving them on the paper. The phrases are written daily as a reminder and a way of me following something to encourage me to go on in the bad times and thrive in the good times.
Adding my creativity to my bullet journal makes me smile. I love how colourful and cheery my bullet journal is. I’m proper into it now and I am always wanting to doodle or look up/create new pages. My bullet journal is all about positivity and keeping track of my mood. Daily I draw a flower on my monthly mood graph and write all the positives that happened that day or going on in my head to keep me going. Something I can then look back on next year or later on in life and see how much happier and stronger I am as a person and in general life.
Finally to wrap it up, of course you know I love sleep. Sleep is the best remedy for me, when I am in a mood, feel unwell or in a lot of pain. Tell me to go to sleep, have a nap or an early night. Well this week my sleep has been good but I’ve been joined by some weird wacky dreams. Rememberable ones as well. We as a family are going to Florida in a couple of years but I was there in my dream but we were in a restaurant but Zoë, Ross, Jane and Ian were there. (Close family friends.) All I wanted to do was go to Target to buy some clothes. I haven’t been to target before.
The other being that is something that actually happened a couple months ago and I really hope this dream doesn’t mean its going to happen again. Its to do with my personal new thing I am not talking about yet but it really upset me for the second time and I really do beg that it doesn’t happen again.
How was your week? This coming week, what do you want to focus on? For me its going to be a hard week. It’s my Grandad’s funeral and that’s going to be a tough one. But I want to stay focused on the future, feel better or help my endometriosis pain more and push the positivity.