As it’s getting colder and daylight is lessening, it’s a really important time to put yourself first. Self care is everything to me. It wasn’t always but I wanted to have a happy life with my chronic illness, so it had to be. Now I wouldn’t change my lifestyle for anything. Life can be happy and life can be testing. There is always a time when I can cry and others when I am purely Laughing. If I can change my life around and life a ‘normal’ life, I hope I can inspire you to as well. You don’t have to have mental health problems or a chronic illness, self care honestly is for everyone.
The week started with a struggle if I am honest. I have felt good for so long, that when my anxiety appeared I was hating it. To the fact I spoke up about it straight away with my mum and dad. Then even went that extra step and spoke to my doctor. Anxiety came into my life 2 years ago, when I was waiting for my last operation. Now it just comes to play with my mind every now and again.
I was tearful and fearful. Worrying about all sorts and a lot was making me anxious. Yes I have a lot of stress and that on my plate, the moving house, work among other things. Somehow, someway I have turned that around and I am not feeling overly anxious at all now. In fact I am so happy and have been so productive today (Friday) its amazing. The feeling inside me is happy and I am so pleased its back, the smile on my face is an actual happy one.
Honestly I don’t know how I have turned this round to be the top of the scale, all the way from the bottom. I have to say, I realised quickly I needed some tlc. And that is really what I have done. A few hugs from my mum and dad. Talking with friends and/or my family and pushing myself to make things around me good. As in cleaned the flat top to bottom, getting dress properly and healthier food choices.
One thing that has scared me or made me anxious for a long while, probably since a child is noise. Noise outside the front door pretty much. If you know me, you’ll know there are some lovely noisy people in this block of flats. There has been times that I really felt someone was trying to get in the front door. With working from home, the noise is 24/7 pretty much. So I decided on Monday that I would shut the hall door and shut me in the living room for work. It actually has really helped. Now I just need to overcome the fear in the evenings!
There isn’t anything wowzy abbot this week If I am honest. I haven’t done much other than work and chill. But my life seems better in this chilled life. As long as my mind is ok, my body is loving me and I am feeling ok, then I am definitely ok with the chilled life. The front door has only opened twice this week and once was for some deliveries, the other because I get my shopping in my parents online shop.
This has been happening for weeks now, months maybe. In fact I have dreamt a lot all of my life. I use to sleep walk and talk when I was a child. If I do now, I am not aware of it, being I live alone. But I have been having dreams that stay with me and I can tell you the dream for days. The ones that stick are ones that I have started to read more about actually because they are random. Eleonora, my friend was a mermaid on the beach refusing to give a baby back to my dad for instance. Random as right? Then there are ones that I have had several nights and there has to be a meaning to them, why am I revisiting them and why are they making me think about them all the time.
I have never been a good reader, probably read as a 10 year old would! But I am massively into me time and that hour before bed is purely me and my kindle reading a couple of chapters. My friend thinks I am mad to swap between a happy romance to a dramatic, horror, traumatic storylines. Yes that sounds the worst thing to read but I am gripped to the book I am reading now. She thinks it’s a reason why I am dreaming things as I am. Well not the mermaid and that. But the weird ones.
It gets to half 4 and I am up and to the airing cupboard to boost that hot water. I am loving the 5pm finish from work, bath and chill. Finishing work and just being able to walk a couple metres literally to the bath tub. A lovely hot bath to chill in and let all the work things escape my body. Heat is one thing that massively helps me, so a hot bubble bath or a hot beach is good for me.
The evening goes slower with the 5pm bubble bath, but its good for me. I am loving the chilled evenings. Even have time for some tv if I want to. Depending on YouTube and my plans. Now we are month 7 or 8 even into working from home, I am finding evenings on the sofa are ok as well. Work is off come 5pm and I honestly don’t even thing about it until I wake the next morning. That balance is definitely needed and I am really grateful I have mine.
Cosying up on the sofa, dressing gowns, onesies and my chunky knit blanket, is my thing. One of the reasons I love autumn actually. The countdown to Christmas with the good programmes and layers. Though I don’t do my best in the cold, hence 2 onesies, a dressing gown, fuzzy socks and a blanket. But I love the darker nights and the cosying up. All the hygge feelings really, whether I am creative or chilling.
This week I want to keep my happiness happy. I have learnt a lot from this blip in my system and the short time I felt rubbish. So I want to keep it up and not let things get to me as much. The door is definitely staying closed and the best thing about the week ahead is that its only a 4 day week. In fact I could be this way until Christmas.
What is one thing you need to focus on this week? If your week has been doom and gloom this week, I ask you to ask yourself how are you? Can you adapt something to move the problem away?