Happy Sunday everyone! Hope you are doing well, if not on the way to being so. If you are new around here then hey, welcome and this is my year to show myself and all of you that self care actually matters. I can really say it is a huge part of my life, I have learnt a lot from it, continue to daily and is now something I have as part of my everyday life. Shout out to endometriosis sisters. With you here on that one and that is why I use self care, I can live the life I want by practicing it.
Considering my last update I wrote was last Tuesday (10/9/19). It seems to be writing this again now nearly 2 weeks on. Wow anyway I have learnt a lot this past week or so actually and here today I am going to share it with you. If you are thinking why did she do her weekly update on a Tuesday, posts on Sunday’s. That would be because I have been in Kos.
How are you all anyway? Life in general and in yourself? Good, bad or ugly? A combination is always a good start. But all ugly or bad is a way of you learning what and why you need things in life. For me I can’t overly complain, there’s been a few bad points and upsetting ones too but as many of you know I like to go with positivity. So I really try to focus on that side. I may talk about a few but I would and I hope you would like to read more about the positives than the negatives. Some negatives have a funny side to them so they are worth the read!
Going back to week 37 quickly, the Wednesday I went to Kos. I was really good in the morning, chilled, finished packing and took the rubbish out. The usual things. This is what gets me down and upset. That being the selfish, horrid people out there that do things horrible too overs. As I mentioned a while ago, you never know anyones situation but always be kind. When I wheeled my suitcase down to my car, someone or some people had nicked the wind mirror covers off my car. Me being me as always was a little late so I didn’t have time to go get new covers, fit or anything. It was just me driving my car with wires hanging out the mirrors. Why do that to someone? They are worth £30 a cover, so it’s not worth anything anyway!
Anyway I went away with what I am going to call an endometriosis flare up. For all those who don’t know about endometriosis. It is something nasty that effects 1 in 10 women worldwide. I would 100% not wish this disease on anyone. Why you may ask? That is because I feel like my body hates me. One day it’s loving life and so am I, the next it’s stabbing me in the stomach continuously. You never really know if its going to be an ok, good, bad or ugly day. Some days I can just stay in bed, others I hobble along, then there’s days where I could run a marathon, go out partying or even a ski dive. Who knows from day to day!
A flare up is when you are in pain, discomfort and feel unwell basically. It can last days or months. When its months you know its back to bit you in the bum and say hello to another operation! Mine lasted for a good 7 days I would say. Roughly anyway.
The good side of having a flare up whilst away for me anyway. I lay around in the sun for a week or two. No tight clothes, no place to go. Just me a book, some sun and a bikini! Nap when you want to or feel like it. Eat what and when you want. To be fair this holiday I lived off pizza and Nutella pancakes. But that’s ok to. Flare ups are when you need to listen to your body and do what it needs.
If you have been following along this year in my journey to a happier life, you will know I have self care things I love and that I will and can practice these anywhere. Whether that’s from my bed, work desk, toilet or sitting on a sun lounger. It doesn’t matter. You could say I know the things that help me now and I am ok on them but actually there is always things to learn along the way.
This week I have learnt a lot not only about myself, my needs but also my surroundings. Reality has hit home a bit this week and that has been hard for quite a while. Again I go back to kindness, you never know someone else’s story always been kind.
Positivity is the thing that keeps me going. Things to look forward too, adventures, new chapters and anything else that sounds exciting along the way. They are what keep me buzzing, keep me ticking and pushing that positivity in myself and around me really helps me to have less pain, less anxiety and less things dragging me down! Ok sometimes you cannot avoid negativity and I get that. I too have negative situations that I can’t not have in my life. It’s working around them or shutting them off to gain your happiness, comfort and overall zen.
My self care really this week has been sleep, meditation, reading, me time and heat! The way I dressed and my overall appearance was a huge thing for me too. Even if I got dressed up to go to dinner by myself and film a look book.
I’ve learnt this week that even with the close net of friends and family I have in my life. It’s really only me who has my back. I love my friends and I love my family and I really do appreciate their support and that. But it’s only me who can take their advise on board and put my needs first.
Talking of me having my back. I wore my happy place festival t-shirt on Friday when I went to hospital and I’m not sure if it was me or the floor that had my back. Typical me, go to faint in a blood test and then they stop, I lay on floor feet elevated in the nurses hands. Please hope my converse were clean. And then have to have another blood test. Got some biscuits though and a lovely few of the ceiling.
The bookworm that I am, never use to be! But me time is something I love and have got a lot out of this year. Due to spending the last week round a pool in 30 degree heat. I read 3 books. It has to be an achievement this year, I must have read more books this year than in my whole 29 years of being alive.
Crazy as it sounds its books that relax me, especially before bed. I love a book you can just get into straight away. None of them books that bore you within the first page. Louise Pentland’s Wilde Women was the first book I read this week and it brought so many emotions on. From laughing at Lyla and her comical questions. To smiling and happiness for Robin and the sadness for Lacey and Kath. So many ways to relate to this book for me too. Read in 2 days.
Next book was Me Before You by JoJo Moyes. JoJo Moyes books are very new to me. In fact it was only a month or two ago I decided to read one of hers. Just saying I didn’t know this was a film until after I finished the book. Again this book just made me want to read more and more. I couldn’t put it down. The story is about a girl who cares for a disabled guy, kind of a love story but so much more adventure and determination in it too. Another to recommend and I can’t wait to get book 2!
Finally one that is always recommended to me on Amazon. So I bite the bullet and brought it. Needless to say it was a little harder to get into but I actually enjoyed this book too. Of course I finished it with a good afternoon to go until flying home. This book is more of a historical fiction book. The Beekeeper’s Promise. Based on the war times and present day of 2 ladies living/working in the same place. Learning about the war and the ladies working life in the war as the beekeeper. There was a little romance to this but not a lot. I found it nice to know about what the war times were like for that character and how everything was back in the day. Compared to what the castle was used for now.
One thing I have learnt this week, is that taking a night flight home is the worst possible thing to do when sleep is the key to success in your life. I don’t know what is worse the fact the plane was delayed or the drive home was long. Landed just after 3:30am didn’t get home till 8:15am. Like really. As much as I got just under 2 hours sleep on the plane I was dead the whole of Thursday.
I took a nap 9-12, then by 8pm I was done, if it wasn’t for my appointments in London on Friday that I think I would of at least done 14 hours sleep. Alexa wasn’t my friend at 7am this morning! If I had food in the house I reckon I wouldn’t of moved from bed all day other than snacks and drink. But of course I needed food. So I literally spent my day in my bed or the 1 hour it took to drive to do my food shop and come home again, in Sainsbury’s.
Self care for me this week, has all been about putting me first. Whether that mean I just laid in the shade, the sun or took a nap. Read a book all day or ate 2 slices of pizza instead of one. That was ok.
Shed a few tears or a lot in some cases a few days. Disappointed, shocked, hurt maybe and upset. It’s ok to cry sometimes. To be honest it helps as well because you let go of that emotion. Even tonight its took me 2 attempts to write this because 4 paragraphs in I got a phone call that really made me cry. Thats why I say my body hates me, let’s just put it that way.
My journals came with me to Kos this past week but were only wrote in once. Because I am sleep deprived they are still in my kanken backpack by my bed but I just haven’t had the time to write in them. I will update them and write everything for the last week. Journals are very personal so you really do want to keep them that way.
I know that I share bullet journal page ideas over on my channel but my day to day pages are super personal. Not only that I love them as part of my me time. A time where it’s just me, its quiet, nobody around and I can write what I want and feel. Is it trust or just that I didn’t have time alone alone to get them out and write. Probably an excuse but you never know who can pick up what you’re writing and study it. So they stayed in my bag and will do until I have the energy to sort my bag out.
There has been a lot of laying around this week, I mean what else do you do on a sun lounger? I have had a lot of time to think and realise things. Meditate and push more of me and my needs than think of others. You could say I was lazy this week, ok I may have been. But you take a break to do what you want and need. Maybe I just needed this break to reconnect with the things I love, let my size 8 bikini bottoms fit ok and not have anything tight across my body for the week. That sounds the best for me.
Appearance is something I briefly mentioned earlier, but it’s something I am not really into or wasn’t before my holiday. I use to straighten my hair all the time, wear it down, do what I want with it. Well partly because I am lazy but also because I am not overly body confident, I find it easy to wear an oversized top and some jeans. Chuck my hair up in a bun and go.
With being in suncream and hot on holiday I washed my hair daily, I straightened it 6 out of 7 nights and I wore clothes that aren’t my everyday clothes. Its nice to dress up sometimes and I really need to stop just chucking on the same sort of outfit daily, do my hair and look good even if I don’t feel it.
Fighting a battle with my own body daily can be tough, hard work and too my effort sometimes. The amount of pizza I have eaten is probably why I feel rank tonight but then again at least pizza is a safe thing to eat and cook! That is when self care comes in and does help me.
Sometimes I am rebellious and live a little with the extra slice of pizza or the be braving my sitting having my blood test. But I really need to listen to my body, if it needs to be healthy then so do I. If it is shouting for sleep then I need to do it, who cares if its 7pm right? Whatever it needs from a duvet day to punch in the tummy, or a laugh with friends. I have to do it. Even when it really hates me I have to be hopeful for the future and not go eat extra chocolate or ignore its needs. Sad as grown up as that seems. It is true.
This week I have learnt a lot about me, my needs and what I can cope with. My environment and self care. My thoughts being good or bad and how to overcome them. Who is actually there for me and who isn’t and what I need to do in the future to realise what I do myself is for me and my happiness. Nobody or thing needs to knock me down and if it tries to I can run away from it even if its meditate in the toilet.
Next week I really want to read some more. Crack open my journals again and stay focused on myself, my needs and what I want in life. Hey I also start floristry school again so my creative Tuesdays are back in action. I want to put a smile on my face some more and push the positivity. What my body needs is definitely high in my week.
What are your plans? What self care do you want to concentrate on?