Where ever you are in the world and whatever you are doing/feeling, things will be ok. We are wrapping up week 35 and this week has been a struggle. I’ve took a step back and I am now refocusing on ME and what I want and need to do in life. But it has took a lot for me to finally stop and push the best self care into play. When people say moving house is one of the most stressful things in life, I now officially concur. Self care really is or should be my focus in life. All I want is to be happy and healthy. So whatever I have to do and learn, I am there. Sometimes though, too much builds up and then I a crash. Or the dreaded endo plays up. 

I am probably the healthiest I have been in a long long time. But at the same time I don’t feel it. Which is really sad. This week though, it’s took it from me. There are personal things going on other than the move, that I have to keep personal. But that worry has hit me well and truly this week. To the point I just broke into tears on face time to my parents. Just about who to call first. If I have tears you know I’m not right. Crying is the one thing I can’t stop when I feel poorly or when everything gets too much. 

Honestly I need to write this week off and start a fresh next. Which is the plan! I was plodding along until Thursday evening. Then I was like you know what I can’t write or read or do anything. I was done, I needed me time and just to lay in bed and chill out. Watch my favourite YouTube creators content and forget about my worries a little. Even though this blog, my channel and instagram are just a hobby right now, I put a lot in to it all. And to the fact I hate myself in letting you all down. But Thursday night I was in no such mindset to write, in fact I really was about to hit rock bottom. Which is super rare for me nowadays. 

It was 5pm and I just finished my days work. From the dining area to my bedroom, I took to insta stories and filmed the pouring down rain. Captioned it, “ that face mask Friday may not happen tomorrow! I just cannot be bothered to write! It’s pouring down, cold and I am feeling meh!” So I went for a shower, washed and dried my hair. First time in a long time because it’s been boiling hot. There wasn’t a face mask Friday. 

But that has helped me get organised again. I can do the mask and write a week ahead. Honestly I have to be organised or I am rushed and the panic sets in. My mood has to be good as well or I can’t face writing. This way I hope to at least write and edit at a weekend. Leaving my week nights free. We will see, but that is the plan for this bank holiday weekend. 

Every night this week I have caved in and gone to bed at 9pm. Purely because of the way I have been feeling and normally by then I am bored and everything is an effort. For all you that know me or have followed a while, know that the one thing that helps me is sleep. An 11 hours night sleep rather than 10, isn’t that much of a difference, but sort of has helped. 

Waking up each morning, all warm and snuggly has been amazing. To the point that I was about to drift off back to sleep some mornings! Which is not good when you have half hour to get ready for work. Lay ins for me are around 10/10:30 waking up. That wouldn’t go down well in the morning teams call. That is why this long weekend is going to be so good for me. 

The only thing I have done really self care wise this week, is that I have gone bed early. But the main thing is I have learnt a lot this week. Learnt that I need to take a step back a bit and think of myself. There is so much going on in the world and in everyones lives at the minute. So for me to just have this blip now, is going to make the next however weeks so much better. 

I work Monday to Friday, 8:30 – 5. But from my living room, we are wrapping up 6 months now and to continue for a while. Working from home though is something I am really enjoying and makes me productive for those hours. The downside is that I am 7 weeks into having the feeling my left shoulder blade has cracked. If I could go somewhere and get it fixed, would be amazing. What is putting me off though, is the fact I would have to wear a mask and lay down on the bed. Too claustrophobic for me. So its bio freeze daily and my dad massaging it for me as many times I get to see him in a week. FYI my shoulder blade isn’t broken, well we think its not, I am not walking around screaming! 

Friday I still worked all day but it was chill. The most chilled day of the week, solely me working away on admin and orders and what not for 7 1/2 hours. Well we had a half hour quiz, that was all. Having the time to myself and being able to bring my mind back to ok. Get my work done and be able to start Tuesday back with a new list to do. Honestly getting that all done and now I am writing this, means I am feeling a lot better than Thursday. I write these on Friday nights. 

This weekend is for me. For myself to get back on track and organised. No more junk food, or snacky bits. Exercise even if its a walk around the block everyday. Get my mindset back to good and focus on me. I’ve 80% planned out September for content. All I need to do is film and write, to get back on track. Do the things I want to do and chill out, as I mentioned this is all a hobby, so something I love to do. 

Next week is going to be a short working week. I have only took 1 days holiday this year because I want most of it for when I move. Maybe that is why I am a little off. Anyway I want to get back into my book because I had only just got into it properly. Sleep was more important this week! Sort out my shoulder a little more and plan a healthy week. By healthy, I mean all round. If this weekend goes to plan, then I will feel so good to be ahead and organised. For if the worries come back strong, I need to be structured and say “you know what Mel, you take that evening off to chill.”

What do you need to focus on for this week?