It is that time of week when I give you my weekly update. You know life is hard, there is always a problem, someone or thing trying to ruin your happiness and then for me there is health too. My body sort of hates me and right now I am in my hardest time since January of 2018. That is where self care comes into play for me. Sort of need to love myself some more and thats what 2020 is all about, that and going on a crazy adventure. 

There is so much I really want to put down and express to you. But I can’t for myself, others and situations. You know I should be, but I am scared of my own body. How and what a mess it might be causing and the fact that one day I will be laying on that operating theatre no doubt. If you don’t know I have endometriosis and I am putting everything in to this crazy adventure. But at the same time I can sit here typing away, with tears in my eyes, thinking am I doing right? 

It’s not nice being scared of my own body. The fact I am ending each night with tummy ache and pain. All I want in this world is to be happy and have what I deserve and want in life. The aching and pain I am going through is going to be the strength that keeps me going. For the fact I am living for this crazy adventure. I have to be strong. Just sometimes my body just wants to tell me no! 

Happiness is my goals for this year. All I want is happiness. My crazy adventure is for my happiness as well. Everything I decide to do and stick to, is for my happiness. You know when you really want something, so you are determined to do it, no matter how much aggravation and upset it causes. I actually have to do this and I will but things need to be made a little more easy for me to do so. That being I actually can make plans and they will stick. If I decide to stay home then let me stay home. Put effort in and help me on this journey.

For all self care is, is for happiness, yourself and to love you. That is the most important thing. If things bother you, upset you, etc. Then try sort them out or leave them behind. Because deep down you are the only one who can know your own happiness. Yes I mentioned help and its always good for that little support group of closest friends and family. But putting self care into action, finding what you love, what helps and what doesn’t. Focus on the good things in life and ditch the negatives. 

I’ve really tried to put self care into full swing this week. Really I’ve needed it. Time to listen to my body and let it be bad to me for doing good or bad to it. We have had a hard week really, emotionally and physically and right now I am writing this tired and looking forward to my lay in tomorrow.  Let’s hope I have one now I have wrote that! 

Self care isn’t all about the good things. It’s about the bad things as well. You know it’s ok to cry, be sad, unwell, and angry. But it’s also good to tie them in with happiness, positive, creativity and relaxation. Right now I seem to have a bad day followed by a good day etc. Saying that though yesterday was as bad as today so maybe my maths is a little wrong. 

I actually have to say I have seen crazy high and awful low points this week. Is that ok? Guess it’s balanced. Things that are keeping me going, the fact that I am doing this crazy adventure, when things finally happen. Adding an organised structured plan to every day and sticking to it. And really because I want to prove everyone wrong and do something that they think mad, but me, it’s what I want and need right now. 

We are 9 paragraphs in right now and I haven’t even mentioned what I have done this week. But in reality I have so many emotions, thoughts and feelings running through me right now, that writing some of them down. Hopefully will help me. You know it’s ok to not be ok. This time will pass and the sun will sure shine brighter. 

Let’s talk about the best day. Well best evening. Floristry class started up again and we got some new friends on our table. Being creative is my thing, I need to do it more often because I need to use my hands more and create. It’s boring sitting at a desk all day for me. Naturally talented to do pretty much any craft so just throw it at me and I will create. Dirty hands though isn’t my thing and we worked with moss again this week. Which is rank, disgusting and stains your hands. Pretty little modern arrangement out of it though so that is a bonus. A pure 2 hours 30 minutes of indulging in creating. No phones, no negativity, no judging or anything like that. Just kind, warm, happy creativity. 

To be fair that is pretty much the happiest day of the week this week. Though I am thriving off of this structure. Sticking to it and buzzing of the achievement. When I was on the long process of being diagnosed with endometriosis, I was told that phasing things out over the week might help me. Well as much as it didn’t then. It sort of is now. By phasing its meant to mean that you do one bit of housework a day for the week instead of in one go. I’m not doing that but I am sticking to my structured plan. If it’s a pilates week, then every evening I am doing something. Whether that is editing, writing or a hobby. On weeks we don’t have pilates I get Thursdays to do what I want. 

It really is working though. I don’t get to Wednesday and panic that I don’t have a blog for Thursday and the face mask hasn’t even been tested for Friday. Everything runs smoothly and calmly and I am one very productive lady. That’s how I get motivated, inspired and simply it just works for me. Who knew a scheduled routine would make you get up at 8pm on a Wednesday evening and do all the housework! 

For once in my life I am actually watching television and that is more than Casualty! I am spending time in my living room. Even sit at my desk to write and edit. It is just more inspiring and gets me in the mood to create good content I hope. That and watch some of the programmes I love, which I am sure some will be in my favourites for January. 

Started the week on a big binge of junk food, and chocolate. Ending the week on a healthier calorie counted diet. But that is ok. Emotions and feeling poorly needs some junk and chocolate. You know balanced diets are good and I knew that binging on junk food wasn’t the best but I needed it. When I went to Sainsbury’s purely for chocolate cake, pizza and Nutella, it has to be eaten. Then I can start a fresh. A girl deserves a treat. 

The only other thing I have loved this week, other than crying a river. Is me time. That time when it’s just me, a book and a couple of journals. No phone, nobody else and I can do what I want. Its the best way to get a good nights sleep as well. Every journal is about positivity. Happiness and gratitude. Writing down those things daily and reminding myself of the good things in life. Ok I track my feelings and mood as well but mostly everything is positive. Why leave something with a negative, if you have had a good time or it was the best day you have had? 

The last 40 minutes of my day, the day where this week actually I have been sitting reading with a heat pack round my shoulders due to tension knots and pain on my shoulder blades. But I am finally into this book and I am going to finish it tonight or this weekend. Then I really am going to have to read the shortest book ever to stay on track for my reading goals for 2020. Any good short books out there to recommend to me? 

How has your week been? Are you dragged down with the January blues, or in pain like me? Wondering if things are going to be ok? You know everyone has these weeks, months and moments. We will all get through them and it’s good to have these times so that we learn from them and gain more from life. Let’s hope the week to come is cheerier!