It is Sunday. The week is ending and a new one is beginning. Sunday’s are the day for self care. If you don’t practice daily that is! How are you doing? The struggle really is real for many of us including me. But I am poodling along like most others. Have you checked in with your loved ones this week? Are they ok as well? Self care really is for everyone, you don’t have to have mental health problems or chronic illnesses. We all need self care in our lives especially now. With what is going on in the world right now, those who wouldn’t class themselves as having mental health problems, have them. All of us just need to put one foot in front of the other and do the best we can do.
As much as I love to live off positives, negatives are around me daily. With Covid-19 being one of them negatives, some days are extremely hard and others are amazing. I can even go from rock bottom to sky high and vice versa. Something little and stupid can knock me off the clouds and I am done for a good while. Of course living alone, working alone and being alone is what I am use to now. So when something goes wrong, is confusing or I am being asked how to do something, that I don’t do normally. Things they just go a little weird and strange, my brain gets the hump!
For the first time in forever, (don’t be singing frozen now!) I took Monday off for myself. Mentally and physically things are hard and naturally some days really are a struggle. It was bank holiday so I was off from my 9-5 job but I have just lost motivation and inspiration and my get up and film something. Ok yes it didn’t help that I had a video planned but my parcels didn’t arrive in time. But I felt like I had let everyone down that follows me. You know even my Grandma told my dad I wasn’t posting a video! But actually it was the right thing to do. I got over the feeling bad, so did everyone else I hope and it did me good. Back to normal 3 videos, 3 blog posts this week coming.
Something has been annoying me this week and I tell you now I am still not happy about it. Every weekday morning at 3:37am someones alarm is going off in my block of flats. I only know that time because on the 4th night I thought this can’t be a dream anymore and looked at my phone! First of all if you have to get up at that time in the morning for work or whatever, your alarm clock shouldn’t be that loud to wake me as well. But also why now is it waking me up daily? And it never has before.
I know sleep is disturbed for everyone and me included. Normally I sleep like a log, once when my parents went away, I was a teenager, my sister and I slept through the burglar alarm and our middle sister had to sort it out. So you can see I am not sleeping the best. Sleep is my remedy, it really helps me gain a good amount of energy to get through the bad days, especially days of flare ups. But I need my beauty sleep. A good 10 hours in the week now and up to 12 hours at weekends. That may sound a lot but for me that isn’t. You are better to let me sleep if I am in pain or feel unwell than have me there rough in the corner grumpy.
The sun is rising around 5am and the tis waking me daily as well. All signs that summer is on its way, the question is will we be allowed out this summer? Normally I just roll over and go back to sleep till my alarm goes off or I wake naturally. I might feel tired sometimes but I hardly am which is good these days with the 3:37am wake up call and sunrise at 5am. Funny thing is that I want to play the game now. Set my alarm for 2am and hang it out the window or wherever is louder to get them back. I’m not that mean don’t worry.
There isn’t overly a lot to say really. Every day mashes into one and I stay home doing work or not a lot. I have to be thankful that work is still busy for me and for that 37.5 hours of my week are filled with something other than boredom.
My car decided it needs some more money spent on it, which I am not overly happy about but the mechanic said its a warning and I have a couple 1000 miles left till it needs replacing. That all happened on the one time I needed and went to drive my car. The amount of dusty dirt on the car is crazy. Luckily I was only going to get my click and collect from Sainsbury’s. And of course I now know I can drive it for a good 2000 miles which will be like 8 months time.
Most days I get to the point where I just need to walk away, sit on the sofa and stare out the window. Normally for about 15 minutes but others I could literally sit there an hour. No phone or anything just me staring at the sky and tree out the window. All quiet and I reflect on life. You could sort of say I am meditating but with my eyes open. Times like this are when I can chill, run through normal things, what my mind is going through and try to change the way I am thinking. Really it is meditation. Getting the annoyance out of my brain or to gain motivation that was lacking. Its really really weird I know but I love this time. Just me, the sofa and cushion to hug and the window. Blue skies, trees and the sound of the outside, it really allows me to refocus.
Afternoons are always started with a solero. Yes self care is a lot of food at the minute. Which is bad for my endometriosis but at the same time I really feel I need food sometimes and have to be naughty. Soleros are just refreshing and worth it. A cool down after dinner and ready to work the afternoon away. Jelly being the other snack I tend to eat daily. The thing is yes the diet has gone out the window sort of. But at the same time I have things going on that aren’t helping either. So right now I don’t want to go back to how fat I was but I can’t help but eat stuff sometimes.
Though things annoy me daily, well most days to be fair. I feel really grownup and in a good mindset. It’s weird because I do have negatives daily but I sort of am loving quarantine stay home life. I’m “winning” in most things I try to do. You know things are good. Things are on hold yes, and for me as well. A kick in the teeth but maybe its just telling me in particular that now isn’t the right time. That is ok, even if it’s ok because it has to be. Hence having a chocolate bar because I need one.
I feel like I went off-piste a little last week and I couldn’t motivate myself for anything. Though there has been some hard times this week as well, I’m not going to lie. But I’ve been more focused, wanting more and I am finding inspiration from somewhere.
Evenings for me, they just have to be a chilled out, do what I want sort of thing. No point me even trying to do something unless I really have to. Days are all rubbling into one, with Monday being a bank holiday, it really threw me off Wednesday when I thought it was Tuesday and I had 2 lunches to write Thursdays blog. That panic do get me somewhere though. I am finding if I do my own things earlier in the evening or lunch then I am more productive. When I finish work is the best time because I am in that work mode, if I stop watch something then go again its a waste of time.
Self care for me this week really is the window staring meditation, eating treats everyday in proportion most of the time. Chilled evenings and particularly taking Monday off as a day for me. Realising I just couldn’t do everything I wanted to do and needed to do. Though I felt bad and guilty for letting everyone down but what comes first or should? Yourself. So I really did. I broke and needed repairing. The only thing that helped probably is taking Monday off and reflecting on life daily.
Yes it is completely ok to take days where you just don’t do anything. I can’t even remember what I even did do Monday if I am honest. But the main thing is you don’t stay down there rock bottom. Reach out to loved ones, friends and/or family that are there for you and look after yourself. For a new day starts everyday and they can all be a new chapter if you need it.
You know I haven’t even read each night. My me time sometimes is just a pimple popping video or browsing online stores. I am basically taking the time I have when I am not working to do the things I want to do. As much as I don’t want to go out and go shopping when the shops open, I am dying to go shopping! For me fashion is my thing, in a way I guess I have to be grateful that I have opportunities to try fix my need. Sort of!
This week coming, what do I want to achieve, learn and repair? I want an amazing week. Not going to lie but I ended Friday’s working week on a high. Motivated, organised and my list is pretty full for Monday already! What is there to repair? My reading habit I guess and my sleep somehow which is going to be super hard, as many are struggling with sleep. For learning though I want to learn to use this time better and be successful.
It might be a really hard time, that we are living in right now and my weekly update is purely my life. I know that but I really do self care everyday, the panic and anxiety that happened when my warning light came on on my car. To the reflection time and the struggle. Honestly I think I have sat on my sofa more in this quarantine than I have since I lived here.
What are your goals for this week?