Well hello its self care Sunday and a time when I love to check in with you all. How are you doing? Week 2 is wrapping up and its been a whirlwind of emotions and strength this week. Self care is hugely important to me, but should be for everyone. It came into my life about 5 years ago and really I have and still am learning a lot from it. Hugely there in my life, one of my besties and one I can always rely on. You know you have to when you have a chronic illness like mine, endometriosis. That or lay in bed for the rest of your life. 

Not that everyones life is plain sailing because we all have rough patches in life. Dipping to the deepest of the bottom of the ocean or sky high with the stars. But mine because I have endometriosis, I don’t overly know what I will wake up everyday. Self care really helps me and this year I wanted to continue my self care journey, but to also stay on track and thrive off me time and things I want to do in life. People I want to be with and achieve my goals. You know If you aren’t ok then what is the point? You can’t help anyone and they can’t overly help you. 

It was my first week back at work and omg its been a long one. A struggle maybe and we are all ready to book a holiday or two. Everyone has felt this way but is it because I am not overly myself or what I don’t know. But seriously its been hard but up until Wednesday I was rolling on motivation, inspiration and super organised. 

Some of my goals this year are things to make me feel better, in myself overly or to make it look like I am making an effort and really I am making the effort. You know its nice to take care of yourself and look nice. Fresh set of gel nails, straightened hair and a dress. Putting effort into what I look like makes me feel good. Brings a spring to my step and a smile to my face. Typing on the computer with pretty coloured nails and playing with my finely straightened hair, looking at my amazing balayage tones. Smiles, smiles, smiles. 

I want to be motivated, eager and inspired to do more this year. Put more effort into everything. Making changes in day to day life and putting me into more things. Really want to be happy and inspire everyone else to be as well. Pushing myself daily to do things even if I really am not in the mood for it, has got me a long way this week. Then I have to say breaking down in tears this week, has helped too. 

Something I thrive off is routine, knowing what I am doing and when. I hate change and being messed about. So just don’t do it! Simple. Obviously I still work full time, so my time is very divided between working Monday – Friday and evenings and weekends doing what I love, hobbies and of course what I hope to be a success and not just for fun my social media platforms. 

So plans this week were as follows, starting work at 8:30 but like to get there early. However last year the effort was dropping and I was making it with 5 minutes to spare. But 8am is back this week. It does help having my hair already done. Lazy as I am, I actually only brush my hair when I have washed it. Saving me sometime. Making sure I am up early and out the house before 8am. 

Coming home for lunch daily is really helping me still. If you can do this, do it. I am arriving back like its a new day, new headspace, new set of skills and motivation to work till 5. When I come home I am literally making and eating a roll, apple and whatever I want. Sitting on the sofa or laying on the sofa in my coat and hanging out on my phone. So its not amazing but it is amazing for the feeling and the push it gives me to focus. 

As of next week things will change again, well saying that I mean the term starts and classes are back. So time at home will be Monday, Wednesday and Friday nights. That’s weekdays of course. So my schedule works something like, edit and schedule on Saturdays, 1 blog post on Sundays, 1 blog post on Mondays, Tuesdays will be floristry, Wednesdays housework or chill, Thursdays pilates, Fridays 1 blog post. Might sound crazy to you and think what? But actually it has really worked this week and I am thriving off it. 

Being home at 5:15 pm ish. Cooking my dinner, eating and chilling till 6/6:30pm. Bath time of course. Chill till 8pm. Work for an hour then me time. Some how it works for me and seriously when it came to Wednesday night and I was feeling rubbish, at 8pm I was wanting to get up and do the housework. Say what? Who does that? Me apparently. A clean home is a good home though and a welcoming one. 

Due to me trying something out since July, I am now getting to the point of frustration. I am fed up, emotional, in pain and angry at my body. Endometriosis really does suck and when you let it do what it wants to, as I guess I am, then you really can expect it to mess with you and your life. If you are new round here, I often say my body hates me and actually in situations when I am like I am now, it really does feel true. 

Thursday was meant to be pilates. Even though I am nearly 30 years old, when I feel poorly I need my mum. Not even that, but when I feel pants, my emotions are running high and my body is messing about with me. Well that is it. I went to pilates but something happened between leaving my parents house and getting there. Really I should of stayed in the car from the start. Saying “ I will just stay in the car” getting out the car was too late though, due to the pilates instructor opening the door. Emotions running high, people talking in general but not knowing my story and plans being ruined.

There was no way in 1 million years I was doing pilates. Sat on the chair in the corner in the hump trying not to cry. Here is where the self care comes in and it’s totally ok to do this. The more I sat there, the more fed up, frustrated and angry I got. In the end I said can you let me out so I can go sit in the car. That was the best decision I made. Sitting in the dark, curled up on the front seat of the car balling my eyes out. Letting out my emotions, texting my friend and hating my body all at the same time. No words just me, the darkness and my tears. 

Not just any tears, I was sobbing my heart out. It is so hard to be strong sometimes, and it’s so hard to be normal and push through when you are in pain. Feeling like you are going to throw up 24/7 and swelling up like I am 4 months pregnant. Definitely not fun especially without the baby inside me! Needless to say I didn’t go back into pilates and all the way home I just stayed in silence. 

When I got home all my emotions had gone, I was exhausted and no motivation to do anything. Literally didn’t want to even wash my hair. So I jumped in the shower but literally washed my body quick and jumped out. Ate some crisps and went to bed. That’s the best for me when I feel rank. Just put me to bed and let me sleep. 

Super glad Friday is wrapping up and I am about to head to bed for me time hour and a good nights sleep. Today being Friday started off ok. I was actually done and so what kind of feeling. By the end of lunch I was so happy and now at 9pm at night I am in so much pain and feeling rank that I could just cry again. Bed is calling me and I am grateful for the weekend and a lay in or two. 

One thing I have to advise though is to not go shopping when you feeling rubbish, emotional and craving junk. I went to Sainsbury’s straight from work right and I spent money on junk. Tell you know I have eaten a pizza for dinner and some Nutella and I feel so sick I want to throw up. So even if your body is saying I need chocolate, I need cake or whatever junk it wants. Don’t do it. Actually I can’t even look at food now without wanting to chuck up. 

Me time is all about gratitude, positivity and feelings. Wrapping up on all the goods and leaving the negatives behind. Or trying to anyway. Pushing positives in my life really helps me and though I really do feel endo rank right now, I know the reason I am putting my body through this and I am grateful to be doing it or will be when I finally falls in place. 

Then reading, I love to read but I need to pick up the pace. I feel like I am slowing down and books are taking longer to read. That and a kindle so you can’t see the thickness of the book so I could have 1000 or 4000 pages left to read. All I know is I am at 50% and I am finally getting into the book and wanting to read more. So we will see what happens when I go read it in a minute. 

So wrapping up my week. I have so many highs and happiness from the motivation, organisational skills and routine I am creating. But my body wants me to run off all the emotions, hate itself and want to scream. Everyone has these bad times and being I have such a condition, it is bound to happen every now and then. Just hope that next week is better and I am in full swing of happiness again for floristry and week 3 of 2020. 

What self care have you been loving this week? Was your week, good, bad or ugly?