It is Sunday, a time to reflect on the week and realise what you learnt this week. What you want to take forward to the next and learn from your mistakes. You can learn everyday, big or small. First of all I want to say well done, you have got through another week of lockdown! Quarantine life sure is rough. That is why self care is hugely important right now and in everyday life. Self care came into my life around 5 years ago, due to the very lengthly process of being diagnosed with endometriosis. I really have learnt a lot from self care already, but I still learn things every day in normal life. 

Life isn’t normal right now but we are well into this lockdown, quarantine life. How are you doing? The struggle is real this week for me. It was even a short working week and so it should of flown by. To be fair work was busy and my work life is good. I actually have to say I love working from home. It’s so much more productive. Not too sure that I will love going back to ‘normal’.

 Where the struggle lays, I guess is in me. The motivation to do anything is just not there. It took me 5 days, 5 attempts to write face mask Friday. To the point that Friday I had to sit down and finally wrote it. Sort of felt like writers blog but not. I don’t know really. Maybe its because work is here so when it comes to the evening and time to do my own work, its just not there in me to do it. 

Maybe it’s the four walls I am living, eating and working in. Even for the walk a day, I’m screaming to get out. It is my own choice that I am on my own, single, independent and that but really my life isn’t where I thought it would be now on May the 10th. A lot of people’s lives are on hold right now I guess though! And to be honest its not only Covid19 that is stopping me. 

My sister was locked in her bedroom for this week. As she had symptoms of Covid19. She works on the farm that I get my food from. Was tested Monday and finally come Friday she got the all clear. Not that that really effects me but we had plans this week. Abigail is my craft buddy as well as my grandma but we planned a FaceTime origami session for Tuesday. Which of course didn’t happen. Yes Abigail could of FaceTimed with out my sister. But I can’t fold the paper for her, so incase of needing help, Denise had to be there. 

As much as I am trying to not spend. I am itching to go shopping. My birthday money is screaming at me to be spent. Being a fashion addict I want/need new clothes to wear, feel good in and fix my itch to spend. Yes I could shop online but its the faff of returning it and going into a situation that could give my Covid19. Let me go shopping!! 

If the struggle gets really real, I chuck on a movie and doodle for a while. Somehow doodling really helps me to come back to a normal level. Calming and therapeutic but also something I can get carried away in and create something amazing. My apple tv box is playing up though and most days it’s not crashing on my movies and youtube. So I need to update it or something to fix the problem. All for an old movie than something new as well. 

Food is just shouting at me. All day everyday. As much as I am not big in size, I have to watch what I eat. I can look at food and gain a couple pound. Especially now my medication is less and I am bored in the house all day long. Fruit and vegetables are my musts to buy and snack on. If I need something to snack on, then I try got to fruit. But by mid afternoon I just need a chocolate fix. Milkyway Magic Stars mostly which are good but something I hardly eat. I’ve even stop baking to stop me from eating them all in one sitting. 

Life is work, eating, sleeping and watching whatever I want. Pretty boring if I am honest. Though I joined an exercise challenge this week. Though it takes 5 minutes to do. It’s something rather than nothing and we will be adding to the routine weekly. Daily maybe. I know life is like this for everyone but seriously people need to listen to let me out to see my family. At least. 

The UK government need to give us at least 3 bank holidays back. Yes we haven’t worked them but we haven’t done anything for them. We know the next isn’t going to be much better either. If not the same as this one and easter. I actually think I’d rather of worked than sat around trying to motivate myself to get up.

Pretty much writing the week off as a struggle, uninspiring, unmotivated week. The only things that went well was my bullet journalling and work. I’m really focused on my bullet journalling and I am daily journalling. Making sure I write to do lists, tracking my mood and food. Writing gratitude for everyday just because we have to be grateful something at least everyday. My feelings, thoughts and emotions are all written down to. Yes my to do lists are hardly ever fully completed but it tries to give me something to motivate or go through to structure my day. 

Even my me time daily hour tends to still be reading but its just not going well. I mean I am still reading but the percentage of book read isn’t going up. To be fair I have read 3 really good books, so maybe that is why. The book I am reading now just isn’t exciting me. Maybe that isn’t correct because its getting good. Just taking a long time to get there. I’ve been reading a book a week, this week I have read 16% of a book. Perhaps it’s a long book but in kindle form it’s dragging. 

My sleep isn’t good either. Well its ok. But I am waking up in the middle of the night or early on a weekend. Like hello Melanie are you ok? It’s 10:18 as I am writing this and that is early for a Saturday morning for me. Ive been writing this for an hour as well. Dressed, watched some television and all sorts. Nightly dreams and nightmares are there. There was one dream this week that stood by me for the whole day after as well. I was trying to process and understand why it touched me so much and stayed for a while longer than any dream I’ve ever had before. Meaning that whatever I did, the dream touched me and I was thinking of it more and more as the day went on. Trying to figure out why I dreamed it. 

And that is pretty much my week of self care. I haven’t cried but I’ve nearly hit that point. For the first time in 2 years probably I have laid around for a day and done nothing but watch a movie and stare out the window. We maybe expected to do amazing things in the pandemic but if all you can do is lay around and watch a movie, that is totally fine. The world is giving us this time to think and process things, it should be the only time in our lives we have a thing that lets us stay home all day everyday. Do what is right for you. For you are the only one that matters.