Hey Everyone! How did your week go? Was it a quick short working week? Or did it drag out even if it was only 4 days? Mine seemed to drag. I don’t even know why but it did. It was a busy week and one full of highs and lows to be honest. We are just about to head into May isn’t that crazy? I have tried to be super good this week though but some days it was a struggle.

First of all I need to say something and this is and maybe part of the lows this week. Since Christmas I have been addicted to fashion. You know for me whether I am ill or healthy. Fashion is my thing. Fashion to me is self care or a bit about what my body needs. Well as I saw this as self care and got myself a little on the tight side as well as some other things I will mention in a bit. I am self indulging in fashion, it’s a need I need to do. That need is not essential and one that’s costing me money I don’t have. We sat down this week and I am now on a strict budget on £67 a month to spend on me. All I need to do is work out if I spent that on clothes, books or a random things that I think of in the month such as sleep oil I guess.

I was having my hair done last Friday and I was talking to my friend. As you may know self care is a massive thing and sort of on trend at the minute. Meditation, spas and skin care the trend is high up. There are a lot of self care’s we think we need but we actually don’t. Fashion is something that I find comforting I guess, that is something I love to spend on and I do well with trends and being someone people look to for fashion advice. Maybe I will talk about my addiction more and the journey to overcoming my addiction to fashion. Would you be interested in this?

My focus this week has to be healthier, in what I eat, the way I live and setting more of a routine to keep this going. A lot of people see me as a healthy eater and a balanced dieter. I am and I am the majority of the time. But when I crave something I must have it. I have had chocolate or ice cream for dinner some nights and that’s really what my body needs right then, or me being lazy. But the fact is I have to be on the ball and keep the healthy eating going, not even just for now but for the future. Healthy Melanie should mean better flare ups and better recovery from illnesses and operations. Plus I have binged on junk for weeks and I am kind of sick of it. Saying that I had a bowl of cinnamon roll ice cream for tea tonight! LOL.

I use to be overweight and since being on weight watchers a good 5 years ago. Food isn’t something I love anymore. Simple as really. It all depends if I love it, I can eat a lot, if it’s not inspiring me, then I can leave or eat a little. I also find food boring. I took my weight watchers recipe books out and my mum and I went through them. Lunch is the hardest for me, especially being gluten free. To sticking to the healthy eating I cooked chicken fried rice recipe and actually that was a pretty decent lunch this week. My mum even batched cooked me ragu so I am looking forward to a bowl of that tomorrow.

I started my first floristry class this week. At first I was a little anxious and super glad to have my mum there by my side. Though creativity is a natural flare for me, I found myself struggling when we created the first tied bunch. I don’t know if it was me or if it was my flowers but it just looked too green for me. I am a massive girly girl and as you can see the flowers are pinks and purples. I think it didn’t help my lilies were super fresh and tight buds, so the pink wasn’t powerful yet. When we swapped our tied bunch into this, which is in oasis. I was super happy and excited to learn more. I think I must work better in 3D that flat lay. My mum did swap one of her lilies for mine just so I had the colour. For a natural beginner you would have to say that this bunch is pretty good. I am loving it now and when I made it on Tuesday and I can’t wait to go back this week for more. It did mean a late night though, which sleep is something I thrive on. So we may have to re jig Wednesday’s alarm clock a little. (Its ok I am half hour early to work everyday.)

Oh my! My hay fever has been so bad. I am on eye drops, tablets and nose spray. Even then I can blow my nose constantly. Where the weather has been warmer, I have been opening curtains for sunlight, leaving doors open to spread warmth and happiness throughout my flat. Well when I woke up on Wednesday, wow I needed to get them flowers out my flat. I was streaming from everywhere possible. I needed them for an Instagram post so had to keep them. Thankfully the weather got colder and my hay fever did too. Though I am still and snotty, itchy eyed mess. LOL.

Another reason I am really having to cut back on my spend is because my money is going elsewhere. Again this is self care, I think it’s an investment for myself. Plus really if I don’t do this now then I am back waiting forever and a day crawling through agony, as and when the next operation is needed. I have or at least I am trying to take out my own private health care. If I don’t continue it now, it will mean my endometriosis won’t be covered privately again. This is where my frustration starts and my lows kick in.

I think it must be a good two weeks I have been trying to get this insurance. You would think an insurance company would set up insurance daily right? Well lets hope the phone calls are free. Between my dad and I, I reckon we have been on the phone for a good 2 days solid with them. How can they get things so wrong or one say something then the next say no. Because I am already anxious and dealing with stopping an addiction you can see where this leaves me. I even told them the NHS would have sorted this out quicker. I finally spoke to someone last night, who my dad rang up and complained too. He is going to push the membership through and complaints take up to 8 weeks to deal with the complaint. Its crazy and the £25 thats coming my way already isn’t good enough.

Wednesday night I rang them, thinking it would be a 10 minute call. I was on the phone 38 minutes. I got home from work late of course and just ate an Easter egg for dinner. See what I mean? I need to be healthier.

Its frustrating things like this, my health playing games with me and negative people and environments that make me struggle. I am massively trying to stay positive and upbeat. With negative things flying around all the time. I find it hard to be in that situation, or it or they pull me down. With the battle of health insurance, hay fever and feeling of colour and negativity flying around. The end of this week I have struggled.

By that I mean I feel unwell, I am wearing my glasses, I am getting in the hump or bad mood because of these things. I am coming home and I just want to go to bed or be alone. I even cried on Friday. I text my friend and we had a 5 minute break and little tearful chat.

Saturday I had a lay in, which is super amazing for me. But I woke up and I felt poorly. I can’t tell you what is wrong and how I feel over than I just had a flare up. I had tummy ache a little but I felt all I needed to do is have a lazy day. Watch tv, chill out and lay down. Snuggle up in layers and sleep if I needed to.

The biggest thing I have found an improvement on other this journey so far is the positivity, the way I am trying to live, what I am adding to my life to help it and trying new things to improve the way I feel and live. The biggest thing I am trying to work out now, is how to not let negative things pull me down. It might be that maybe they don’t know they are or they are being selfish for dragging me down rather than letting me shine. Or do I just walk away from it? Do I go meditate in the toilet or go for a walk? Do I mention it to someone? That is one I have to work out.

That hour before bed, I really find beneficial. I really missed it on Tuesday. It wasn’t like I was on social media but I wasn’t unwinding. I was lively and energetic. As I mentioned earlier sleep is something I massively thrive on. Having the me time and how of unwind is something I need to let me sleep good. *The journal and bullet journal are something I can let my frustrations out on. I can keep an eye on what I am doing and challenging myself to be brave each day.

I love colouring. As much as colouring is a thing associated with children, it’s really therapeutic. I take my time and colour a sheet a week.

I also love my book I am reading, it’s getting really interesting now, though I am nearly at the end. Again something simple like a 20 minute read helps you switch off for the night.

I even have learnt to trust my alarm clock. I turn my phone over and don’t look at it. If I wake and the alarm hasn’t gone off, I simply turn over and go straight back to sleep.

As soon as I get home, I turn my Himalayan salt lamp on. At 9pm when I have my me time. I light the candle in my zen garden and meditate whilst I colour.

Simple things like warm bubble baths, hotter weather, creativity or things I love that help me not need me and setting that time for you really does help massively. Take that time daily to help you.

I want to be setting more routine this up coming week. I want to open the curtains each day and let that good, fighting energy push the positivity higher than the negatives I can’t control. I want to have that time to do things I love and work hard on them positives rather than make flare ups last longer.

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