It is self care Sunday. A time to check in on loved ones, the people you want in your life and of course yourself too. You are the most important person in your life and without you doing ok, what would your life be like? For all you chronic pain or/and illness warriors out there, I hope you are ok too. Keep on fighting like a girl! Like me of course an endometriosis warrior. Self care for me is like some people’s spoons. I don’t plan my days out in spoon form but similar by using self care.
Every Sunday, not only are you checking in on yourself and your loved ones but you are able to catch up on my ‘real’ life. By ‘real’ I mean, I am never not ‘real’ but this is truthful and as much of my life you will get at the minute. These updates are the easiest for me to write actually. Is that because self care is my life now or because I can let out my feelings on the week to leave them behind if need be?
A good week is equally as ok as a bad week. Everyone has bad days, weeks and months even and that is completely ok. This week for me, has been a week of feeling sorry for myself. Doing things that cause anxiety and random added bravery. So many emotions are running through me daily at the minute, I don’t know if I am coming or going half the time. My life has kind of annoyed me this week as well but we will get into that as I continue to type this.
If you remember last week I was on the sugar roll. All I wanted was junk and sugar and that is pretty much what the food consisted of. Last Sunday I ate a whole marks and Spencers chocolate swish roll. Say 4 portions. Oops. But the reality of it that I was still wanting pure sugar and junk all the time. You know what my diet is pretty healthy and balanced, most of the time. So when I feel rubbish and that’s what I want then I am going to have it. It has worked because after 10 pancakes and Percy pig sauce on Tuesday I was done. All I wanted was healthy food.
For all you that know me. I am a huge lover of Percy pig sweets. They have to be my favourite actually but I only like the proper Percy pigs. Non of his friends are good and seriously who made them?! Next on the sweet favourite front is giant strawberries. But anyway, I was tagged by my friend about Percy pig dessert sauce and because I was feeling pants in myself. My mum brought me some, and some veggie pigs.
Of course pancake day was Tuesday and since I can remember, its really the only day we have pancakes. But I love them. This year of course it was floristry night, so I had an hour to play with. My mum cooks them and I eat them and we conveyer belt it. I am a jam and sugar kind of girl. What do you have on your pancakes? With all the hype on this Percy pig sauce, I had to try it. Now it’s so sweet that I still don’t fully know if I can say I like it or not. Tastes of Percy’s ears basically but in liquid form. Thank god I only had it on a couple of pancakes. Because 10 would of been 2 if I had it on them all.
Tuesday is my favourite day because of them 2 hours and a half of pure creativity. Being creative, in most forms is my thing. I guess you could say that is why I put effort into writing and videos as well. At college, I feel I can shut off from the world for a couple hours and put all my time and effort into flowers. This week was fresh flowers again and that just makes me happy. Fake isn’t my thing when it comes to flowers because I don’t like the tackiness of them. Beautiful purples this week and even now 3 days later they look even better than when I put them together.
It has been a week of I want my mummy sort of week. Feeling emotional and a little run down I guess, I just want a hug. Not only emotional, things that are happening around me are annoying me so much. Making my feelings and thoughts difficult. You know when you mind tries to play games with you and make you think things? That’s mine at the minute, though some aren’t fair and really I am just needing a holiday or break from everything and refresh.
On Tuesday at college I even moved my chair closer to my mum so she could just give me a cuddle, where I was cold mostly! You should always have friends and family to rely on when you feel emotional and things get a little too much. The whole unfair feelings and a little hurt and upset really got to me on Tuesday and I ended up just texting my best friends for a little cheerful and uplifting conversation. Something to just perk me up and give me a virtual hug.
That is one thing I think is unfair and that is having an invisible illness. I can sit or stand or do anything I want whilst feeling rubbish or in pain. As in the quote from Caroline Flack “ in a world where you can be anything, be kind.” It is not just in your words, its in your situations too. Not everyone is freely speaking about what is going on in their lives and in a sense having an invisible illness works the same. Ok I don’t want people to feel sorry for me, but at the same time if I have to, or it is hidden for a reason. Then respect that others are suffering around you too and that your feelings and thoughts aren’t as kind as a sufferer of an invisible illness.
I think that is why I really am grateful and appreciative of my besties. This week especially. Simply because they are two of the best people around me, supportive and rock! No body understands what it is like to be me or anyone who suffers with endometriosis, basically until you have it. But having these two diamond girls who I can rely on. Love me for being me and showing me my strength when I go off track really helps. Today I saw something on Facebook actually and its was about friendship, having friends that you can rely on and when times are tough they don’t ditch you, but they order takeaway pizza and sit with you through it. That is why I am so lucky to have these two. Writing that has brought tears to my eyes.
Wednesday was just Wednesday to be honest. Worked, ate and did the housework. How boring. But I love nights when I can just chill out. Hang out in my onesie. Watch YouTube or do whatever I want and relax. I’ve been swelling up to look 5 months pregnant recently. And I am not pregnant by the way but to come home have a hot bath, relax and be comfortable is amazing. It is the worst when you get a swollen, bloated tummy and somedays its for no reason other than what I say as “ my body hates me.”
By Thursday I am usually done for the week. Tired and in need of a lay in and or an early night. That wasn’t going to happen for me this week though unfortunately. This is an example of the strength I go through. On Thursday morning when I was already at work, my sister phoned me. Asking if I could go to see the Lighthouse Family at the London Palladium that evening. Basically her friend cancelled because the risk of getting coronavirus. As much as I didn’t know any songs when she asked me. I said yes. Bear in mind I am already tired and had to write a blog post that evening.
Money is tight with trying to move and everything else. So my mum had to pay for my train. Being that I was to leave work at 5 and go straight to London. I couldn’t have dinner or anything. My sister saying we will eat up there on the way. Fine I went because if not she wouldn’t of been able to go. Best sister award goes to me. Just saying. Oh my London Palladium is high when you are scared of heights, row B of the grand circle and the floor was shaking because of everyone up and dancing. Now I have been to the concert, I can still say I only now know 3 songs. Entertainment was the groovy granny in front of us and the two drunk middle aged women to the right of me.
Of course as well I was trying to be healthy by this point as well. But that definitely went out the window on Thursday. Had Five Guys for the first time and most probably the last. Being a fast food place how can anyone justify £18 for a drink, cheeseburger and chips? That’s daylight robbery. When the lady said it I was like what? I had no choice but to take it and eat it.
So I got home at 20 to midnight which is and hour and 40 minutes passed my bedtime on a good day. Thank god today was Friday. Yes I write these on Friday nights. How rock and roll!?! At lunch when I came home, I fell asleep for 6 minutes. Luckily I woke up in time to return on time. Fridays are pretty chilled most of the time. Which makes it a good day to be tired and not motivated at all.
Due to the snow, rain and wind this week, I didn’t even bother to straighten my hair. Plaits have been my go to and Friday morning them crazy plait curls were not playing game when I wanted a bun. So my overtired self just went with the crazy curls down and a headband. Made an effort and wore a dress though, so that is something for a Friday!
I’ve missed reading this past week or so. Not that I haven’t wanted to read but I just can’t get into the book I was reading. Payday was on Wednesday, so I ended up buying new ones on my kindle and started to read another JoJo Moyes. Which I am already itching to read more and more. Another disappointing factor of going out on Thursday night!