It is self care Sunday! The day of the week where we should reach out to love ones and I guess check in on ourselves. Are we ok? Is life ok? What have we learnt from this week and what is life looking at right now? Self care is hugely important to me and has been for a while, though I learn from it daily still now. Truly it has brought a lot to my way of living, what I am achieving on a weekly basis and so much more.
As we are wrapping up week 6, I am going to let you in on one of my goals this year. Being I purely want time for me! Time that I can lay in till 11am, time for when I want to film and not rush. When I want to eat healthy or what I would call a “kids dinner”. Anything and everything and not have to worry about anyone else. It’s also allowing me to love myself more and be more independent. It is so nice come Sunday morning when I have all the week’s footage edited and scheduled for the week. Thought I would let you in on that, because 6 weeks on i am really benefitting from that time.
This week, well its been a long old week. I still am super tired but have been all week. The struggle is really every morning when the alarm goes off at 7am. Not that 7am is overly early but I pretty much need to sleep for 12 hours a night for 7 days to feel refreshed right now. Weeknights are an average of 9 hours and weekends are 12 hours + depending on my plans. Think it doesn’t help as well that I am dreaming. Nightmares more I would say. Like Monday night’s when I was in McDonalds and everyone was getting stabbed by the gang jumping through drive through windows. Waking up at 5am because I am just awake, but know its not time to wake up because the heater light isn’t on. So dose back off.
Crazy thing is that I am mega need of some lay ins, but I took my nephew to Build a Bear for his birthday on Saturday so yes that alarm was set again. Thursday night I was done by 8pm so I did my me time early and took myself to bed at 9pm. That is really self care, you learn what your body needs and wants. Deciding for an early night was the best thing for me Thursday.
I haven’t been feeling the best this week, if you hadn’t guessed from all the tiredness and needing sleep. My endometriosis is what I think is causing this but I have tummy ache, feeling unwell and lost my will to keep busy and organised. Some people say it takes 4 weeks to create a routine and I have that but this week, it really went out the window with me not feeling good. Hope this doesn’t mean I won’t get the routine and structure back next week if I am feeling better or just push through anyway. Because that structure and routine really has helped the positivity and anxiety.
Tuesday night of course was floristry. My creative zone for the night, when I shut off from social media and my phone to be honest and I create. Whether it was because I was tired, feeling unwell or just because I wasn’t feeling the make. I just didn’t want to do the make. It wasn’t my cup of tea of course. Its meant for the outside eventually but I live in a flat and the thing is, I hate getting dirty. Muddy hands from planting jasmine wasn’t the best idea! The final product and all of them on the tables really did look good but I just didn’t have a place to put it. Leaving at my parents so my Dad could give it to my Grandma. To a text the next morning from my mum who had given it to the cleaner!
Wednesday night was a late one for me, though when I went to leave to come home, it didn’t feel that late. But I went to my friend’s for chicken tikka, play with her mini me’s Bing toys and get false lashes on. I was in bed by 11:20pm which is late when sleep is my favourite thing and the most beneficial when feeling pants! But spending time with my bestie, laying on a bed for 2 hours getting my lashes done and seeing my mini bestie happy is the best feeling. When they get to the age where they can have a conversation with you and laugh their heads off at the most random words. Naughty monkey and caterpillar being them.
After you get lashes you can’t wet your eyes for 24 hours, so the best decision I made was to shower at my friends after we bathed her mini me. Get in my pyjamas and wash my hair. Meaning when I got home I just had to brush my teeth and get into bed. I was so comfy laying on the beauty treatment bed whilst getting my lashes done.
Worst thing about Wednesday, was when I got out the shower onesie on and my tummy had swollen up. I was the one who looked 7 months pregnant and I am not the one pregnant. That is how I know me feeling unwell is endometriosis related this week.
Rather than getting my car washed this month so far, I spent the money on a big photo frame to press my flowers in. But I had £1.50 change to which 3 days this week I have had to buy Haribo strawberries off the food trolley at work. It is bad when its 10:30am and you need a sugar boost to make it through till lunch. Percy Pigs and Giant strawberries are my favourite sweets, though I will try anything. Even in my food shop I treated myself to a medium size cup of giant strawberries. Oops!
Coming home every lunchtime seems to really be helping me still. I sort of recharge and go back to work, ready to actually work again. Do some work and actually be motivated than just sit there thinking about what I need to do for a while. It has also helped me this week especially for just coming home and laying on the sofa for 50 minutes, going toilet and taking tablets. Whatever I wanted to and needed to do.
Week’s like these are when I really do feel sorry for myself. My body hates me is something I quite often believe. And you can see why when I am swollen and bloated like I am about as pregnant as someone who actually is. When I am just wanting sweets and junk food and waking to the slightest dream or movement. In pain and so uncomfortable. Even in my size 10 maternity jeans that seem to have grown in size.
I have even struggled with me time this week. Finishing a really good book is always a big problem for me. Meaning I can’t get into the next one and it takes forever and this week to the point where I gave up and started a new book instead. My journals are colouring in with good and average days for February so far. Gratitude is the hardest for me when I feel rough especially. Like I was super grateful for my bed and being able and comfortable to hang round my friends in my age 14 onesie. All my feelings are all about feeling rough and they shouldn’t be but I think it’s the tiredness that’s making it worse.
Things that pushed me through the week. Not going sick because there could always be a worse day of pain coming pretty soon. Doing something so I am not focused on feeling rough, as in work, keeping busy, eating ice cream and sweets. Those giant strawberries have definitely been the morning sugar boost I have needed. Hot baths and dutch plaits because I am not feeling up to straightening my hair in the mornings. Bubble baths to soak and help heal the pain.
This week coming, I really want to be able to go to and actually do pilates. I want to feel better and create something beautiful. Sleep better somehow and not get stabbed in my dreams again. Focus on meditation and anything and everything to help me feel better. Chronic illnesses and pain sucks, big time.
What are your plans for the week ahead? What is one thing you want to practice more this week?